Friday, July 1, 2011

-110- The Rules of Nikah: part 2

Rules of Nikah: part 2
by Shaikh Abdullah Faisal

(evening dars: 7.1.11)

Download Audio

Continuing w/ night 2 of “Rules of Nikah,” we come to …


According to Islamic law, whenever you propose to a girl and she says yes, the girl is officially engaged, therefore its haraam for another man to propose to her

-If a sister tells you she is engaged, then she is off limits

Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Yahya ibn Habban from al-Araj from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah said, "Do not ask for a woman in marriage when another Muslim has already done so. Muwatta 28.1

It is haraam for a brother to propose on top of a proposal
- this only applies to REAL Muslims;
- if a munafiqh proposes to a girl, you’re allowed to propose to the same girl
- a munafiqh has no rights over a Muslim girl

If a girl turns down a proposal
- you’re not supposed press her for the reason on why
- she does not have to give a reason why she turned you down
- don’t ask: "am I too dark, am I too poor, is my nose too big? " etc
- to press the sister for a reason is not Islamic because of the ayah >> 5:101

O you who believe! Ask not about things which, if made plain to you, may cause you trouble. (Al-Ma'idah 5:101)

- it is permissible for a girl to propose to a brother
- so the same way it your right to propose to a girl,
- a girl also has the right to propose to a Muslim brother
- even if the brother is married, the sister can still propose to him,
- because if you have one wife: you’re still single THREE times
- the only time you’re not single is when you have 4 wives
- anyone who has one wife is still single three times
- so if a sister proposed to a married brother
- she did not do anything wrong
- some sisters they do not like monogamy: they want polygamy
- why? because some sisters don’t want a man around all the time
- Shaikhs experience with women: white women like polygamy
- they ask for space
- Asian women on the other hand never ask for space
- so they love monogamy


It is not compulsory on you to marry your fiancée; you can change your mind

- the proposal can take place in the form of a text message, SMS, email..
- it can be done over the phone as well, and face to face
- face to face at the masjid
- in that case the sister should say "speak to my wali"

"When a woman marries without the permission of her wali, then her marriage is not valid, not valid, not valid." (Ahmad, Tirmidhi and others)

- if the sister is not interested because of no chemistry
- she should say "I am not interested"
- she does not have to say "there was no chemistry"

O you who believe! Ask not about things which, if made plain to you, may cause you trouble. (Al-Ma'idah 5:101)

QUESTION : is it compulsory on a person to marry their fiancée?

No it is not, you can change your mind
- because maybe you have discovered disturbing revelations of his/her character
- she/he could be divorced because they used to cheat on their husband/wife
- the father of Mu’awiyah, Abu Sufyan was stingy;
- and his son grew up to be stingy as well

Fatimah bint Qays went to the Prophet seeking marital advice when both Mu’awiyah Ibin Abu Sufyan and Abu Jahm had proposed to her. The Prophet told her, "Mu’awiyah is stingy and tight fisted) and Abu Jahm beats his women." So marry Usamah instead. (Muslim, Abu Dawud, At Tirmidhi, An Nisai, and Ibin Majah

Fatima bint Qais: When my period of 'Idda was over, I mentioned to him that Mu’awiyah b. Abu Sufyan and Jahm had sent proposal of marriage to me, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: As for Abu Jahm, he does not put down his staff from his shoulder, and as for Mu’awiyah, he is a poor man having no property; marry Usama b. Zaid. I objected to him, but he again said: Marry Usama; so I married him. Allah blessed there in and I was envied (by others). (Sahih Muslim, Book 009, Number 3512)

NOTE: The sister must return all her gifts that she received


- Adequateness in marriage means:
- you’re not allowed to marry beneath your status
- kafaa'a=adequateness in marriage

"And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him." (Al-Ikhlas 112:4)


- you’re not allowed to marry beneath your status in regards to deen
- because ALLAH said "do not marry the pagan women until they believe "

And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). (Al-Baqarah 2:221)

And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. (Al-Baqarah 2:221)

- if you’re a Muslim man and you marry a Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh girl:
- your marriage is bautil and you’re living in sin

60:10 >> some women migrated from Mecca to Medina but it was said: "send them back! these women should not be able to migrate because you signed a treaty at Hudabiyyah." ALLAH said do not send them back until you have examined them because Muslim women are not suitable for kaafir men

Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr) and let them (the disbelievers, etc.) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgment of Allah. He judges between you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. (Al-Mumtahinah 60:10)

Narrated Marwan and al-Miswar bin Makhrama: (from the companions of Allah's Apostle) When Suhail bin Amr agreed to the Treaty (of Hudabiyyah), one of the things he stipulated then, was that the Prophet should return to them (i.e. the pagans) anyone coming to him from their side, even if he was a Muslim; and would not interfere between them and that person. The Muslims did not like this condition and got disgusted with it. Suhail did not agree except with that condition. So, the Prophet agreed to that condition and returned Abu Jandal to his father Suhail bin 'Amr. Thenceforward the Prophet returned everyone in that period (of truce) even if he was a Muslim. During that period some believing women emigrants including Um Kalthum bint Uqba bin Abu Muait who came to Allah's Apostle and she was a young lady then. Her relative came to the Prophet and asked him to return her, but the Prophet did not return her to them for Allah had revealed the following Verse regarding women: "O you who believe! When the believing women come to you as emigrants. Examine them, Allah knows best as to their belief, then if you know them for true believers, Send them not back to the unbelievers, (for) they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers, Nor are the unbelievers lawful (husbands) for them (60.10) Narrated 'Urwa: Aisha told me, "Allah's Apostle used to examine them according to this Verse: "O you who believe! When the believing women come to you, as emigrants test them . . . for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (60.10-12) Aisha said, "When any of them agreed to that condition Allah's Apostle would say to her, 'I have accepted your pledge of allegiance.' He would only say that, but, by Allah he never touched the hand of any women (i.e. never shook hands with them) while taking the pledge of allegiance and he never took their pledge of allegiance except by his words (only)." Bukhari Vol 22 page 874

- if you have a pious Muslim daughter at home...
- how can you marry her to a man who sells drug on the streets?

And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. (Al-Baqarah 2:221)

- the other evidence to prove to you that you
- cannot marry beneath your status beneath your deen is

Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) (An-Nur 24:26)

Can you imagine that you have a husband who says that hijab is not needed? what kind of a marriage is that ? it is because he is not practicing that is why he is like that -- that is why good men are for good women and bad men are for bad women

The Sahabahs
- were poor and some of them were living in the masjid. Abu Huraira was the amir of the people living in the masjid; a girl in Medina proposed to a Muslim brother but she was a prostitute, so the brother was hesitating on whether to say yes or no ( note: prostitutes also fall in love). When the Sahabah asked the prophet regarding marrying this girl ALLAH revealed this verse;


Is upheld by Abu Huraira, Imam Shafi’i, Ahmed Ibn Hanbal:
- if a women is fluent in Arabic and she marries a man
- who can barely speak Arabic, she can ask for a khula or faskh
- Imam Malik begged to differ; he said this is not a reason for khula
- Abu Hanifa, Imam Shafi, and Ahmed Ibn Hanbal
- the Arabic language is above all others
- and it is the women’s right to divorce the husband if he cannot speak Arabic
- it is the women’s right to have her kids raised up speaking proper Arabic
- Arabic is the language of the Quran and it is the sunnah of ALLAH:
- every other language is inferior to Arabic

Now when Fatima bin Qais accepted the proposal of Usama bin Zaid, she was from Quraish (the most noble tribe)but still the prophet recommended her to marry Usama, even though he was very black; the marriage succeeded because they both spoke Arabic very fluently, there was no language barrier

Many Sahabahs who were reverts became {Arabized};
they blended into the society perfectly


- it is unwise for you to marry a daughter who graduated from
- (ex. Harvard University) to a man who cleans toilets.
- this marriage is Sahih, it is NOT bautil, but it is unwise
- however if a women is practicing and she married a man
- who is not practicing, that marriage is bautil
- likewise if a Muslim man should marry a pagan girl
- that marriage is bautil
- and the kids who are born from that marriage are bastard kids
- they cannot lead the salah in the masjid

The only time the marriage is NOT valid is when
- you marry beneath your status in regards to deen
- if your husband abandoned salah, when you go to bed with him
- you are doing zina because he is a kaafir


For example, there was a man in Tower Hamlets (UK), known as, ‘the elephant man;’ a very ugly man; he chased away everyone he saw


- if your daughter is pretty and she finds a certain man ugly
- you’re not allowed to marry her to him

The reasons why the scholars listed adequateness in regards to handsomeness is because you’re not allowed to marry without chemistry; chemistry is important to men because we need an erection to consummate the marriage; no Muslim men are allowed a sister without chemistry; without chemistry, a Muslim man will never have an erection; An-Nisa 4:3 says to marry women who are pleasing to you

then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four (An-Nisa 4:3)


The mahar/dowry is compulsory because of what ALLAH said in An-Nisa 4:24

give them their Mahr as prescribed; but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you. Surely, Allah is Ever All ¬Knowing, All¬ Wise. (An-Nisa 4:24)

- the scholars of Islam use 4:24 as evidence to say the mahr is compulsory
- now the mahr can be delayed;
- the mahr should be announced on the day of the marriage
- it HAS to be announced
- in front of the two witnesses

If you got married to a sister and you forgot about the mahr, since both of you were so excited to get married, even though -you did not mention the mahr, the marriage is still accepted; the scholars of Islam have said that the mahr can be given after the nikah

"Search for something, even if it is just a ring made from iron." [Bukhari & Muslim]

The mahr doesn’t have to be money; it can be to teach the sister how to read the Quran; that means the mahr can be knowledge; The Rasul did not accept a proposal of a women because he had no reason to accept the proposal

- when the prophet married Hafsa, it was to cement the brotherhood between him and Umar; when he married Aisha, it was to make a young scholar out of her, etc. The Rasul (saws) married a women to create peace between tribes; he never married for sex; he always had a strategic reason; look at examples of when the Prophet married Safiya (a reverted Jew) and Juwaiyyah, (she was the daughter of a Jewish chief; her whole Jewish tribe – ‘Banu Mustaliq ‘ - embraced Islam, alhumdulillah)

After the Messenger of Allâh’s marriage to Umm Habibah, Abu Sufyan, her father, did not encounter him with any sort of hostility. Similarly his marriage to Juwairiyah and Safiyah made the two tribes stop all sorts of provocation, aggression or hostility against Islam. Better still, Juwairiyah, herself, was one of the greatest sources of blessing to her own people. On the occasion of her marriage to the Prophet [pbuh], his Companions set a hundred families of her people free. They said: "It is for their affinity with the Messenger of Allâh [pbuh]." No need to say what great good impression this gratitude had on everybody’s soul. One of the greatest motives of all is Allâh’s bidding his Prophet to educate and purify the souls of people who had known nothing whatsoever about courtesy, education and culture. He had to teach them to comply with the necessities of civilization and to contribute to the solidification and the establishment of a new Islamic society.

The Rasul married a women to a man and said:

"I marry her to you and the dowry is for you to teach her what you have memorized from the Holy Quran"

- Imam Shafi’i uses this Hadith to say: "if you are a Quranic teacher, you are allowed to charge a fee "

Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “The best of you are those who learn the Qur’an and teach it. (Bukhari)


A kaafir father cannot be the give-away father on the wedding day

- the scholars quote Surah 9:71 to show that the wali
- or give-away father must be a Muslim not a kaafir

The believers, men and women, are Auliya' (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another (At-Tawbah 9:71)

- the scholars also use 4:141 to say that the wali has to be a Muslim
- that the give-away father must be a Muslim instead of a kaafir

And never will Allah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers. (An-Nisa 4:141)

- the two witnesses for the nikah
- if you have an imam performing the nikah and the two witnesses are there
- the imam can be the wali as well as perform the marriage


Abu Dawud and AI-Hakim on the authority of Abi Hurairah, Sahih Al- Jami AI-Sayhir, (No. 6714) Regarding contracts the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: The rights are decided by the conditions

- therefore forced marriage is haraam

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: A virgin came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed her to exercise her choice. {Book 11, No 2091 : Sunan Abu Dawud}

You are forbidden to inherit women against their will (An-Nisa 4:19)

Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. (Bukhari Vol 7, Book 62, No 69)

- the Hadith of Khansa bin Khidam is used as evidence
- to show that forced marriage is haraam


The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and trustworthy witnesses." (Sahih - Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two witnesses." (Sahih Al-Jaami’)

- there is no nikah without 2 witnesses


- and if the wali is awkward, then the girl has to appoint her own wali
- a Muslim brother from the community


give them their Mahr as prescribed; but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you. Surely, Allah is Ever All¬ Knowing, All¬ Wise. (An-Nisa 4:24)


1.a girl can stipulate that she wants her own space, t
2.hat she does not want to live with her father or mother in law
3.another example, "I am in medical school,
-I have 2 years left and I want to finish"

4.another example , "you’re not allowed to marry a second wife with me"
- this usually causes fitnah

Hanbali madhab allows this condition, but the Malikis say this condition is haraam
because she is making haraam what is halal (polygamy is the right of the brother)

The prophet said: "Marry! For the best of this ummah are those with the most women." Collected by Al Bukhaaree in the book of Marriage, chapter: Plurality of Women [No. 5069]

The Malikis have the correct opinion in regards to this matter because marriage is so blessed

The Rasul said:
-you should fulfill all the conditions within the marriage
- "the promises you should keep the most is the ones connected
to the private parts of the women"

- faskh = annulment
- if you promise a sister that she does not have to live with her in-laws
- and you break the promise
- she is allowed to divorce you because of this


The beating of drums and singing is allowed in the walima but the scholars have said : leave that to the women
the Ansars used to beat drums and sing when they got married

As for Walima (banquet of marriage), it is proved that Allah's Messenger (SAW) gave banquets to all his wives. But, there was difference between them (i.e. concerning walima). He gave walima for some wife with one sheep; others with two Mudds (measure about 543 grams). It is recorded in al-Bukhari

On the authority of Aisha, that she took a woman to her husband, a man among the Ansar. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to her: "O Aisha did you not have any singing (lit: frivolity) with your procession? Verily the Ansar love such things." In another version of this hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: "Did you send a servant girl along with her to beat the duff and sing?" ...

Al-Bukhari reported that 'Aisha said: 'A bride was led to her Ansar husband. The Prophet said: O Aisha, did you not have merriment? The Ansar love fun.' He was referring to the singing and beating of drums.

The Rasul did not stop the Ansars from having fun, the Ansars would also beat drums during Eid day
- Abu Bakr got mad at some girls on Eid for beating drums, and the Rasul said
- everybody has their day when they have fun, and Eid is our day to have fun
- he told Abu Bakr to leave the women alone


ANSWER: The Maliki madhab allows secret marriages

Ahmad Shakir
(a great Egyptian scholar of Islam)
- had 2 wives; the first wife did not know about the second wife
…. until after Ahmad Shakir died!!
- this Hadith is weak / no Isnaad**
- those who oppose secret marriages use this Hadith
- but this Hadith is weak and has no Isnaad
- Malikis say secret marriages is halal:
- the correct opinion is that secret marriages is makrooh


Baarakallaahu laka, wa baaraka 'alayka, wa jama'a baynakumaa fee khayr