Saturday, July 2, 2011

-112- Bedroom Etiquettes in Islam

by Shaikh Abdullah Faisal

(evening dars: 7.2.11)

Download audio

1. You should pray to Allah tala and beg Him constantly for righteous wives and kids

At-Taghabun O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children are your enemies (who may stop you from the obedience of Allâh), therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily, Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (14)

Sincere believers should pray constantly for the comfort of our eyes

Al-Furqan And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqûn" (pious ) ." (74)

2. Marry someone (if there is chemistry and you're 100% sure - physical attraction)

And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)

The Rasool (saws) instructed his Sahabah to look at their fiancée

From Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansar. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 1424; and by al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34))

3. When you marry the woman place your hand on her forehead and recite the dua

"O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her." [Aboo Dawood and others]

4. The wife should beautify herself on her wedding night
- you can wear lingerie and stockings and makeup and perfume and this is encouraged

Asmaa' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan: "I beautified 'As'ishah for Allaah's Messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to 'Aa'ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: "Take from the hand of the Prophet." She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to her, "Give some to your companion." At that point, I said: "O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my knees. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some women who were there with me: "Give them some." But, they said: "We don't want it." (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said: "Do not combine hunger and fibbing!" [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2 Isnaad - one of which supports the other, and it is supported...]"

5. Pray two rakat together (from scholars not the Rasool saws)
- this is Islamic tradition
- it is permitted to do this but not fardh

6. Before you consummate the marriage, give your wife something to eat or drink
- most women like chocolate

7. Make a duaa before consummating

8. Have foreplay before consummating the marriage
- prepares her physical and emotionally

9. All sensual positions are permissible
- as long as you enter your wife in the front of her private parts
- if a man went to bed w/ his wife and entered her from [behind] it was called
- ALL FOURS b/c she is on her knees and hands

The Prophet said, "No one among you should have sex with his wife like animals; rather there should be a messenger between them." When asked about the messenger, he said, "It means kissing and talking."

- the Companions in Mecca practiced this w/ their wives but not in Madinah
- a Sahabah tried to do this but she rejected the position because she was influenced by the practices in Madinah

Al-Baqarah Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allâh to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your ownselves beforehand. And fear Allâh, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad SAW). (2:223)

- your wife is a piece of land for you to CULTIVATE so cultivate however you want
- so all positions are permissible but the acrobatic sensual positions are makrooh
- only women who do yoga can do these positions

10. Sodomy ... is this permissible?
--there is difference of opinion but
- Shaikh's scholars taught that it was not permitted

On the authority of Jaabir (RA) who said: “The Jews used to say that if a man entered his wife in the vagina but from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! Then Allaah revealed the verse: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

The Prophet said: “From the front or the back, as long as it is in the vagina”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Shiites promote sodomy
- they use 2:223 as evidence
- the same ayah is used to refute the Shiites
- because cultivation can only take place w/ vaginal intercourse

The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said: "The one who has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her back passage, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi).

- Hadeeth conflict because Umar entered his wife in the [rear]
- but we need to research to see if this Hadith is Sahih or not

On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed!' The Prophet asked: 'And what has destroyed you, O 'Umar?' 'Umar said: `I turned my mount around last night.' (An expression which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: "From the front and from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses". [an-Nasaa'ee in "`Ishratun-Nisaa" with Hasan Isnaad, at-Tirmidhi and others].

- Umar entered her from the rear but does NOT say anal s-x

11. You are allowed to speak w/ your wife during intercourse
- add to # 10 that one of the top Ayatollahs outlawed anal s-x
- the Hadith re: Umar is about all fours ... entering from behind / the rear
- this is because the anus wasn't created by Allah tala for pleasure
- if a woman complains about her husband indulging in anal s-x,
- the wali can annul the marriage
- what you say must remain between you and your wife
- there is fabricated hadeeth that says
- it's haraam to speak during intercourse

12. You're permitted to take off your clothing
- Shariah law allows us to take off all your clothing

13. If you practice polygamy,
- you can not go to bed w/ both wives simultaneously
- it is emotional abuse to make love to one wife in front of the other
- there are no threesomes in Islam
- you're not to look at private parts of anyone but your spouse

On the authority of 'Aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!' She added: `We were in a state of Janabah (i.e. the state of having slept together).'"[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

14. If man has trouble w/ erectile dysfunction,
- he's permitted to take tablets to help
- but if you're healthy, you're not permitted to take these tablets

15. You're not permitted to expose bedroom secrets of each other
- even if you had a great time in bed and you're impressed so you're tempted to brag
- you're not permitted!
- this will cause friends to want to go to bed w/ your husband / wife
- some female Sahabahs was doing it and
- they compared their sensual lives w/ each other
- the Rasool (saws) asked about this and he said it's like two shaitaan

On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

16. Oral activities is something the Qur'an and Hadith keep silent on
- everything is halal except anal sensual activity

The basic ruling regarding the wife seeking pleasure of her husband's penis is that of permissibility, however, that which is feared is that this act may lead to possible oral intake of sperm or prostatic fluids. The Hanaabilah have indicated the permissibility of a wife kissing her husband's penis, Also, Asbagh from the Maalikiyyah has indicated the permissibility of a man kissing his wife's vagina as is mentioned in «Tafseer al-Qurtubee» [Volume 12, Page 231]

- Qurtabi is a Maliki scholar who lived in Spain
- Shaikh says he claims ignorance
- we didn't uncover anything from Shafi'i or Abu Hanifa

17. It's not permissible for woman to swallow the semen of her husband
- neither can the man swallow his wife's discharge

18. You're not permitted to play w/ the anus of each other
- do not play w/ yours or another's anus

19. It's haraam to use your tongue on the anus of your spouse
- Islamic Shariah says we're not to imitate the kufaar
- we put a lid on perversion in society

20. When you're in the bedroom,
- you're not permitted to take toys for sensual pleasure
- vibrators and dildo are haraam because
- the compete w/ the man's manhood [penis]
- if a man is old and unable to satisfy his wife,
- he still can not use sensual toys

21. To blindfold your wife as a sensual game is permissible
- if the woman trusts the man, this is allowed
- some games involve blindfolding and fruit
- 4 1/4 grams of gold in charity ... should be given for WHAT REASON?

22. You're not permitted to go to bed w/ wife when she is menstruating
- atonement is 4 1/4 grams of gold in charity

23. A woman who was menstruating and then it stops,
- she is not permitted to go to bed w/ husband until she makes ghusl

They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is an illness, so let women alone at such times and go not in unto them till they are cleansed. And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah hath enjoined upon you. Truly Allah loveth those who turn unto Him, and loveth those who have a care for cleanness. (Al-Baqarah 2: 222)

A hadith narrated by 'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is on her period as follows: "Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half dinar." [At-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, At-Tabarani and others: Saheeh].

Besides, he should expiate for this by giving one Dinar of gold or half a Dinar of gold in charity. A Dinar weight is 4.25 grams of gold. So he should either give one Dinar [or half a Dinar] of gold or its value in charity.

24. if you went to bed w/ wife and you desired to have s-x a 2nd time,
- you both need to make Istinjaa and if you make it w/ wudu,
- it is even better

25. You're allowed to shower together as a couple, naked

26. You're permitted to have sensual relations in the shower

27. A woman is allowed to masturbate her husband until he ejaculates
- the woman can do the same, but neither can use objects or toys
- he must use his left hand, also
- electric machines to do this are also haraam
- Hanbalis do not permit it w/ toys
- Hanbalis do not permit vibrators
- Hanbalis do not permit it w/ toys (vibrators)
- they try to use these to compete with what Allah has created
- so they are haraam
- vibrators are created for feminists
- these objects compete w/ Allah tala's creation
- these women think they do not need men
- they are lesbians and believe MEN ARE DAWGS

28. During intercourse ...
- you're permitted to do birth control / coitus interruptus / ‘azl
- to pull out manhood (penis) before you ejaculate, you need her permission
- because you're interrupting her pleasure
- you need permission of wife but not concubine

Sahih Muslim :: Book 8, Number 3388: Jabir (Allah be pleased with him) reported: We used to practise ‘azl during the lifetime of Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him). This (the news of this practise) reached Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him), and he did not forbid us.

29. Birth control is halal for a woman who is example:
- wants to finish her education
- she doesn't do anything wrong; it's permitted

30. Abortion is also halal in Islam
- if a woman wants to abort the baby BEFORE 6 WEEKS ... she can
- it is Hanbali fiqh
- Abu Hanifa or Imam Malik disagree
- but it must be before 6 weeks
- because the breath was not put into the child yet

31. The morning-after tablet is permitted
- no one was killed so it's not haraam

32. Pills to grow a woman's breasts or a man's manhood, it is permitted
- you can buy these pills w/o a prescription in most countries

33. As for 'pinning down your wife' - we do not say [rape] the wife ...
- in Shariah, pinning down is only when you're wife someone haraam for you
- so there is no 'pinning down' w/ your wife:
- sensual acts are permitted w/ her
- the greatest fantasy of a married woman is to be pinned down by their husbands
- please do it playfully
- both need to be in the mood for it

34. You get so much barakah each time you go to bed w/ your wife!
- a man w/ a high libido gets more barakah than a man w/a low libido
- the man w/ multiple wives gets even more barakah

"A woman is not allowed to do voluntary fast without husband’s permission when he is present." Bulugh-al-maram

"....having sexual intercourse with your wife is a Sadaqah." They (the Companions) said: "O Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion among us?" He said: "Tell me, if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward." [Muslim]

35. It is makrooh to have sensual acts during:
- hurricane, storm, earthquake or tornado

36. Haraam to abuse wife verbally or physically
- then go to bed w/ her (have relations)

37. In Ramadhan, you must wait for athaan of Maghrib