Sunday, July 3, 2011

-114- The Rights of Wives and Husbands


Rules of Nikah: Rights of Wives and Husbands
by Shaikh Abdullah Faisal

(evening dars: 7.3.11)





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THE RIGHTS OF THE WIFE OVER THE HUSBAND:

1. Food
2. Clothing
3. Shelter
4. Doctor (fee, etc)
5. Kindness


Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. (An-Nisa 4:34)

And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good. (An-Nisa 4:19)


The above Ayah is the hujjah used by the Scholars for the rights mentioned above.
-- Live with your wife in kindness such as even the neighbors don’t hear your voice.
-- That is a real Muslim, unlike the animals.

"The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are best to their wives" (Tirmidhi)

Allah 's Apostle said, "Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely."

Sahih Bukhari Volume:4 Book :55 Number :548, Narrated Abu Huraira: "Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "O Muslims! I advise you to be gentle with women, for they are created from a rib, and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part. If you try to straighten it, it will break and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so I urge you to take care of the women." (Sahih Bukhari)."

6. Not allowed to abuse her verbally or physically

-- then go to bed with her immediately after.

And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good. (An-Nisa 4:19)

7. Not allowed to expose her bedroom secrets
8. Its is compulsory to be jealous over her


Abdullah ibn Umar reported that the Prophet said: "Three people will not enter paradise, and Allaah will not look to them on the Day of Judgment: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth." (Ahmad)

9. Must go to bed with her every four days.

And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). (Al-Baqarah 2:222)


-- Its is haraam to go to bed with her without Ghusl after periods.

HADHRAT MUHAMMAD IBN JUBAYR IBN MUT'AM NARRATED FROM HIS FATHER THAT RASUL'ULLAH [SAW] SAID: “THE ONE WHO BREAKS OFF TIES WITH HIS FAMILY WILL NOT GO TO PARADISE .” (Tirmidhi)

Jubair bin Mutim related: The Prophet stated: ‘The one who breaks family ties will not enter Paradise.’ (Sahih Bukhari and Muslim, Mishkaat p 419)

10. Not allowed to cut her off her family


Allah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion and did not drive you out of your homes. Verily, Allah loves those who deal with equity. (Al-Mumtahinah 60:8)
--she can break ties when her family are antagonistic towards Islam
-- if her parents are not going against her Deen,
-- you cannot force her to break ties, only if there otherwise
-- i.e. make her apostate from the Deen.

11. Protect her honor, i.e. physically, morally, ethically, etc.

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women (An-Nisa 4:34)

THE RIGHTS OF HUSBAND OVER THE WIFE:

1. Complete Obedience - Unless he tells you to do something Haraam

-- For eg, if he wants you to smuggle drugs, etc.

2. Not allowed to lend out his belongings without his permission
-- For eg, you cannot lend out his car if he is away - unless contactable.

3. Not allowed to keep friends he dislikes, or bring home without his permission.

4. Not allowed to leave home without permission of your husband - unless for your needs.

5. Not allowed to refuse his call to bed.

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Bukhari, Vol. 4, Number 460)

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, "If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses and in that she upsets him, the angels will continue to curse her until the morning." [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]


-- So a woman who practices the above Hadith,
-- is a true pious Wife & who doesn’t, she is a bad and
-- disobedient wife, she must be divorced!

6. Wife should serve (khidmah) her Husband, i.e. cook, clean, etc.
-- Imaam Hanbali says only Sex is enough.

She was always satisfied with whatever Allah wished for her. Once she asked her father if he could give her a maid to help her in her housework. The Prophet (S.A.W.W) replied, "Fatima, I will give you something that is better than a servant. After every prayer say ‘Allahu Akbar' 34 times Alhamdulillah 33 times and subhanallah 33 time Surely this is better for you than what you wanted..." She replied, "I am pleased with Allah and his Messenger." (Bukhari Book #53, Hadith #344)

-- The above Hadith is the Hujjah that says,
-- Women should do Khidmah for her husband.
-- The jamhoor (majority) are accurate that the
-- wife should do Khidmah for her Husband
-- i.e. opinion of Imaam Shafi, Maliki.
-- The jamhoor (majority) are accurate that
-- the wife should do Khidmah for her Husband
-- i.e. opinion of Imaam Shafi, Maliki.
-- In Saudi the Husbands provide House maids for their Wives
-- to help them with wash, cook & clean
-- Shaikh's personal experience while he was there.
-- The Wives just beautify themselves
-- because they follow the Hanbali Madhab, that Sex is enough.

7. Wife should be grateful to him, not allowed to be ungrateful to him.

The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. Bukhari Vol 1 No 28 Narrated Ibn 'Abbas Vol 1 No 28

8. You are not allowed to Fast Nafal (optional fast) Fast, without the Husband's permission.

"It is not lawful for a woman to observe (voluntary) fasting without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]


9. When the Husband dies, you are to mourn on his death for 4 Months & 10 days.

The Prophet (PBUH) said (to him), "What is this?" He replied, "I got married to an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "What did you pay her?" He replied, "A gold stone or gold equal to the weight of a date stone." The prophet (PBUH) said (to him), "Give a Walima even if with one sheep." (Hadith No. 2049, Book of Sales, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 3).

WALIMA (WEDDING FEAST):

Narrated Ibrahim bin Sad from his father from his grand-father: Abdur Rahman bin Auf said The Prophet said, 'Give a Walima (wedding banquet) even if with one sheep .' " Hadith Bukhari book 34 , # 264


-- Hukm for Walima is Sunnah Mua'kadah, unlike what Daoud Zahri claims
-- but the Jamhoor have agreed that its Sunnah Mua’kadah.

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) states: “The worst food is that of a wedding banquet (walima) to which only the rich are invited whilst the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” (Sahih al-Bukhari, No. 4882)

-- Whenever you are invited for Walima, you MUST attend
-- because of the Hadith that you disobey Allah & Rasool (saw).
-- If you do not attend, you disobey Allah & Rasool (saw)
-- unless there is Alcohol, Music or a lot of Munkar, Fawâhish.

SECRET MARRIAGE:

-- The Scholars have debated this issue
-- They have agreed that its not haraam but is makrooh.
-- There however should be 2 Witness, Agreement, Dowry, a Wali.
-- Secret Marriage means Parents don’t get to know.
-- The Hadith that says beat the drums when you marry; it's daeef

"It is not lawful for a woman to observe (voluntary) fasting without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Ahmad Shakir had 2 wives, and the first wife did not know about the second wife until after Ahmad Shakir died (a great scholar of Islam); a person who has done secret marriage, you cannot say he has done Zina or living in sin or that the child born is a bastard child.

QUESTION: CAN A WOMAN CHOSE HER PARENTS OVER HER HUSBAND?

If I were to command anyone to make prostration before another I would command women to prostrate themselves before their husbands, because of the special right over them given to husbands by Allah. [Hadith: Sunan Abu Dawud, 11:2135]


ANSWER: If there are 2 conflicting commandments,

-- i.e. one from her Parents & one from her Husband
-- she should obey her Husband.

CHARACTERISTIC'S OF A GOOD HUSBAND:

1. Pious Husband, God fearing.
2. MUST have Good Aqeedah

If Allah desires good for someone He bestows on him understanding of the deen (Bukhari, Vol 9, No 415)


-- Meaning not allowed to marry those of deviant Sects,
-- like the Barelvis, Saudi Salafi, Shiites, etc.
-- If you marry them, you have sinned,
-- because they go against the Ijmaah of the Scholars.

"There is no faith for the one who has no trust, and there is no religion for the one that does not fulfill his promises." Ahmad

4. He should be strong, spiritually & physically.
And said one of them (the two women): "O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy." (Al-Qasas 28:26)


-- A man who is weak & impotent should not be married.
-- Only Kaafirah's marry those who are weak & impotent
-- so they can have relationships besides their married life.

5. He should be just & not oppressive – because Zulm was made Haraam.

“Oh, my servants! I have made oppression haraam (forbidden) upon myself, and also between you. So do not oppress each other. [Sahih Muslim]

6. He is mild tempered

-- He is not quick in his temper.

And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh¬hearted, they would have broken away from about you (Aali Imran 3:159)

-- The above Ayah is the evidence that he is soft hearted
-- and gentle with his wife because no one with stay married with ill-tempered Men!
-- Hot tempered men kill their women.

Then where are you going? (At-Takwir 81:26)

7. He is ambitious, he knows what he has to do in his life.

So fear Allah and degrade me not as regards my guests! Is there not among you a single right-minded man?" (Hud 11:78)

8. He is wise, he thinks with his Aqaal & not with his private part.

9. He is hard-working
.

And that man can have nothing but what he does (good or bad), (An-Najm 53:39)

When a man is always begging from people. he would meet Allah (in a state) that there would be no flesh on his face. Muslim 33 Book 5 pg 2263


-- One is not supposed to beg, because those who beg
-- will not have flesh in the Akhirah
-- A Husband should not be a free-loader
-- He should provide meal & other necessity for his wife.

10. He is jealous over his wife.

"Three people will not enter paradise, and Allaah will not look to them on the Day of Judgment: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth." (Ahmad)

11. He should appear handsome in your eyes, i.e someone you can live with, someone you find pleasant.

Jamilah (sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy), came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behavior, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (SAW) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” - her mahr had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah (SAW) sent word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.” 3 3. Fath al-Bari, 9/395, Kitab al-talaq, bab al-khul'.


You are not allowed to accept a proposal from a brother
-- unless you are confirmed about the Chemistry.
-- Khula - divorcing a husband because there is no chemistry.
-- Faskh - divorcing because of his evil character.

WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTIC'S OF A GOOD WIFE:

1. She is pious, just like the Man.

A woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble ancestry, beauty and religion. Choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution)." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]


The prophet said: "Four things bring one joy: a righteous wife, a spacious house, a pious neighbor and a comfortable riding animal." (Reported by Al-Hakim, Abu-Nu`aym and Al-Bayhaqi)

2. Obedience, she should be obedient.

3. She protects her private parts behind the back of her husband.

Prophet Muhammad said: “Who protects his tongue from unlawful utterances and his private parts from illegal sexual intercourse, I shall guarantee him entrance into Paradise.” (Bukhari and Muslim)


4. She should be child-bearing.

"Marry the child-bearing, loving woman for I shall outnumber the peoples by you on the Day of Resurrection." recorded by Ahmad and graded Sahih by ibn Hibban.

5. She is romantic & affectionate.

-- A woman who is not the above cannot be good wife.

6. She should be a woman, when you look at her, she pleases you
-- She should be beautiful in your eyes.
-- because the purpose of Marriage is to lower you gaze,
-- so if she is not beautiful you will not be able to lower your gaze.

Go and look at her (the woman you are considering marrying) because this will help your time together to be strengthened. " (Ahmad)

Marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four (An-Nisa 4:3)

7. She should be mild-tempered.

8. She should be wise.

-- She should not be retarded.

9. She should be loyal to her husband - Loyalty.

10. She should dress-up for her husband.

Then Salman said: ‘It is true that you owe your duty to your Lord, but you also owe a duty to yourself and to your wife. So you should carry out your duty to everyone.’ Then they went to the Prophet and related all that transpired to him. He said: ‘Salman was right.’” - Bukhari

THE STINGY HUSBAND:

-- The Scholars of Islam agree that it is permissible for a woman
-- to take money from her husband without him knowing to run the household.

QUESTION: Can a woman spend from her own money without the permission from her husband?

ANSWER: Yes she is allowed, if she is mature & sane.

QUESTION: Can a woman give away in charity from her husband’s wealth without his permission?

Half the reward she should not fast at times other than Ramadan except with his permission, that she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission, and that she should not spend any of his earnings without his permission. If she spends anything without him having told her to do so then half of the reward for that spending will be given to him. Fath al-Bari, 9/295, Kitab al-nikah

ANSWER: Yes, she can & her husband gets half the barakah.

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If the wife gives of her husband's property (something in charity) without his permission, he will get half the reward." Volume 7, Book 64, Number 273: Bukhari

Uqbah ibn Aamir (reports that Rasulullah said, Beware of mixing with women. An Ansari Sahaabi enquired, Oh Rasulullah, what about the brother-in-law?? At this, Rasulullah, The brother-in-law is death! (Sahih Bukhari Hadith5232; Sahih Muslim Hadith 5638)

QUESTION: Can a woman open the door for her brother in-law when she is alone?

Uqbah ibn Aamir (reports that Rasulullah said, Beware of mixing with women. An Ansari Sahaabi enquired, Oh Rasulullah, what about the brother-in-law?? At this, Rasulullah, The brother-in-law is death! (Sahih Bukhari Hadith5232; Sahih Muslim Hadith5638)


No, it is NOT allowed.

Rasulullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) stated: “Brother in law is death.” Book 26, Number 5400, Imaam Muslim

-- In fact it is Haraam!!!