QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
from after the dars on DIVORCE: REVISITED
by Shaikh Abdullah Faisal
(evening dars: 7.8.11)
Question 1: My ex-wife keeps threatening to move my children away from me and if this happens I will hardly c them again.. only problem is that my ex is no longer practicing, therefore telling her Islamic ruling will have no impact on her All I request from you all is to make du’a that ALLAH (swt) doesn’t allow her to move my kids away from me.
Answer 1 : Your wife has apostated, the marriage is void and the problem is the kids. You should take her for counseling and try to get her back into the fold of Islam. Brothers look for beauty and not pious wives. You should marry for Taqwa. There are many Muslim men with your plight.
Question 2: My sister’s husband has gone to Jihad. He has been gone for three years now and she wants to get married to another man. I told her to wait for her husband but she said refused. So if the husband has gone to Jihad, can his wife get married to another man?
Answer 2: Each brother should go on duty for 4 months. If the brother is not contactable. The wife can move on.
Question 3: Is there any time limit after the second Talaq, is it a month or can u take an indefinite amount of time? If one hasn’t had any sexual relations with your wife for over a year are they divorced acc. to ibn ‘Umar or Umar al-Khattab's ruling of 4 or 6 months? Can you continue living with a non-practicing wife or should one make Baraa?
Answer 3: THREE IN ONE : The Iddah is three menses, for a menstruating woman or three months for a woman who does not menstruate. If you are living together but you didn’t have sex for a year, you are not divorced because you didn’t divorce her. You should take her for counseling. Abstention from sex is not a divorce. The ruling of ‘Umar (ra) for abandonment is that the woman can get a "faskh" on grounds of unreasonable behavior.
Question 4: If my wife asked for a divorce and we have been divorced and separated, can I re-marry her if she agrees? Do I have to ask her wali again?
Answer 4 : If it is the first divorce, you can take her back with a new marriage contract. The iddah wasn’t broken if you didn’t have sex, (if you have sex it means you have taken her back) but you are still allowed to take her back, as its a minor separation, however, (you cannot after the third) the only time the wali can stop her going back with you , is if you are evil in character or deviant in Aqeeda.
Question 5 : The Shariah’s perspective is the wife is to be living with the husband when he gives her 2 divorces. In western countries, there is usually separation before divorce, so can you divorce your wife while not living with her?
Answer 5: If you have a separation period, ( to have a break from each other ) but the woman must be in an Islamic and secure environment. You can divorce your wife even if she is not living with you by any means of communication.
Question 6: When I marry a second wife who has children and you have children from the first wife, would they be allowed to see each other without headscarf?
Answer 6 : they are total strangers and they are allowed to marry each other.
Question 7: is the wife allowed to use her husbands card without him knowing to buy food or things needed in the home, as he never gives her any money?
Answer 7 : the prophet told hind bint utbah , that she could take from the wealth of her husband , what is needed to up keep the home.
Question 8 : The ghusl ruling you gave (e.g. of ibn 'Umar (ra)), how can u do that if you are not living with her?
Answer 8 : Ibn Umar (ra) divorced his wife while on manse, and the Prophet (saws) told him to take her back : if the three menstruations elapsed, if they did not have sex then they need a new marriage contract and the ruling of no divorce does not apply for those who are not living together.
Question 9: I have given Shariah Talaq to my first wife, and I want to marry again, but I cannot get a marriage license by "law". How can I remarry when no Shaikh will marry me in Canada, without a license?
Answer 9 : You can ask a Shaikh to marry you over the Internet.
Question 10 : Who can "Islamically" marry a couple? What are the requirements?
Answer 10 : The person does not have to be a scholar but just be upright in character, and know about the Islamic rulings on marriage. What if you are in an area where you can not find someone who is qualified from Islamic university. Any pious Muslim brother is capable of performing Islamic marriage.
Question 11: What is the limit for a boy to suck the milk in order to be an adopted son and can see them without headscarf ?
Answer 11: He has to suck the breast five times, and let go of the breast of his own accord ( have his full ).
Question 12 :My husband will not let me come to PalTalk anymore b c he says he doesn't want me to be led astray by brothers and sisters (not you - he comes all the time) - am I permitted to seek my deen from you in here on my own or obey him - help, shaykh!
Answer 12 : You and your husband have to come to a compromise.
Question 13: What happens if your husband has not given you dowry and it has been 2 yrs while married?
Answer 13 : you have to take the matter up with your wali : your husband can give you the mahr little by little if he is not able to give you in full
Question 14: Sheikh, is it allowed to have a kaafir social worker?
Answer 14 : social worker system in dar al harb : you are having family problems. you cant do anything about it .. you have to accept
Question 15: is it Halal to live apart from my wife up to 1 year. i.e. we only see once a year?
Answer 15 : you cannot stay away from your wife for a year, unless she has no libido : or if the wife agrees.
Question 16: Is it haraam to have nationality preference in marriage?
Answer 16 : IT IS NOT wrong for pref. in nationality or race for marriage; you should marry a woman/ man that you are attracted to .
Question 17: How can a revert with no wali get married? Brothers in non-Muslims countries all seem to have agenda's so it is hard to choose a husband herself?
Answer 17: A wali is required regardless if you're a revert; in those situations, your imam or local shaikh can act as your wali, if you have no family members who on Muslim or practicing.
Question 18: -what is the best way to approach sisters without offending them on the net?
Answer 18 : The imam is the wali of the woman who has no wali : HADITH: the wali will search for a husband who is compatible to her.
"If they dispute, then the sultan (man in authority) is the wali of those who have no wali." [Dawud 2078, Narrated 'Aisha , also related by Tirmidhi and others. Tirmidhi said, this is a Hasan Hadith. Ibn Majah and Imam Ahmad, Hadith No 1880; also in Salih al-Jaami', Hadeeth No 7556.)
Question 19: Shaikh if my wife is short tempered and has severe depression should I divorce her also shaikh I got depression myself if I marry a Muslim girl does she have a right to ask for a divorce if due to my depression?
Answer 19 : The best thing is to ask for the sister's wali. Depression is a mental illness, and causes you to be violent, lazy, or impotent, she is allowed to ask for divorce:
Go for counseling!
Question 20: Shaikh, I was told recently about an invented contraceptive (loop) that has no side effects and is temporary. Is it allowed to use such a contraceptive, if no then what contraception do you recommend?
Answer 20 : Yes, it is allowed. All contraceptives are permissible, as long as its not detrimental to the health of the woman , and it is not permanent !
Question 21: Shaykh, I am in love with a sister who has no jimaa needs or needs for marriage right now; she likes me, too - should I wait to see if she comes around? I am not ready for marriage yet either but I would not want to lose her to someone else ?
Answer 21 : You can marry her, and take things slowly. She has no needs because she is a virgin. Live with her, and take things slowly since you love each other and leave the rest to Allah Ta'ala.
Question 22: The breast feeding boy to make mahram : is the age limit 2 years?
Answer 22 : The age limit is two years. The boy has to be beneath 2 years old to become mahram for the woman whose breast he takes milk
NOTE: the Q & A here are excerpted from the evening dars on 7/9/11 wherein Shaikh Faisal answered 22 questions re: marriage and divorce. if you want to hear the audio of the Q & A, please go to the next title: DIVORCE: REVISITED. shukran.