Saturday, January 14, 2012

-248- The Importance of Marriage

The Importance of Marriage
by Shaikh Abdullah Faisal


NOTES typed LIVE by AT-23 and AT-38


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Bismillah…

The HUKM of marriage is that marriage can be

a) Halal – (between man and woman)
b) Mustahab – (“strongly recommended”)
c) Makrooh – (“not recommended”)
d) Fardh – (required)
e) Haraam – (forbidden)

Recapping from 01.09.12:

1ST MERIT OF MARRIAGE: MARRIAGE IS YOUR COMFORT

The hasanats of the dunya are 4 things

a) good neighbor
b) reliable transportation
c) good women
d) spacious home

It was narrated that Sa’d Ibn Abi Waqqas said: The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “There are four things that are essential for happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious home, a good neighbour and a sound means of transportation. And there are four things that make one miserable: a bad neighbour, a bad wife, a small house and a bad means of transportation.” [Narrated by Ibn Hibban in al-Saheehah (1232)]

And of them there are some who say: "Our Lord! Give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the torment of the Fire!" (Al-Baqarah 2:201)

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. (Ar-Rum 30:21)

- if your marriage is not bringing you comfort
-you can’t stay with that person

Abu Hurayrah (RA) narrated: It was said: O Messenger of Allah, which of women is best? He said: “The one who when he looks at her he is happy and she obeys him when he commands her, and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or his wealth by doing what he dislikes.” [Narrated by Ahmad (2/251), Ibn Majah (1/595)]

- Allah told you in the Qu’ran the purpose of your marriage is to bring you comfort
- your marriage either makes you or breaks you
- people who live in these marriages that
-are not working have nervous breakdowns
- marriage is a contract

DIVORCE
-it is not shameful
-even the Sahabahs got divorced
-if your marriage is not working out, you should move on
-marriage is by contract like other contracts so it can be broken

FABRICATED HADITH:
-“every time you divorce, the throne of Allah shakes”
-anyone that tells a lie on the Rasul can take their seat in hell fire

Marry and do not divorce for verily Allah's throne shakes whenever a divorce occurs. [Related by Ibn Adee and classified fabricated by Ibn Jawzee.]

Abdullah Ibn Amr (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, Convey from me (to the absent) even one verse. And narrate from the Banu Isra’il there is no harm in that. If anyone lies about me deliberately then let him take his seat in Hell.” [Tirmidhi 2678, Ahmed 6496, Bukhari 3461]

The members of my household are like the stars in the sky whichever one you follow you shall he guided. [Related by Abu Na'eem and classified fabricated by Adh-Dhahaabee who said a liar was found in the Isnaad called Ahmad Ibn Ishaaq]

"We have come back from the minor jihad to the major one" someone asked: "What is the major Jihad O Messenger of Allah?" he replied: "Jihad of the nafs," (This report, collected by Bayhaqi is fabricated as mentioned in Mannaar as-Subl of Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah)

Seek knowledge even as far as China. [Related by Ibn Adee 2/207 and classified fabricated by Ibn Jawzee and Ibn Hibbaan.]


PILLARS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE:

a) ISLAM – marry someone who is a practicing Muslim

b) LOVE – you should only marry if there is chemistry between the man and woman
--if there is chemistry, you’ll have help lowering your gaze

c) MERCY – you should show mercy towards each other
--you must look @ a wife’s good points, not just her bad faults

d) COOPERATION and UNSELFISHNESS – you’re not permitted to be selfish
--selfish people end up divorced and die on their own; they can’t sustain a marriage

e) LOYALTY – you and your wife should be loyal to each other
--after Allah and His Rasul, you should be third

f) OBEDIENCE – if your wife is disobedient, your salah will not be accepted

g) RESPECT – do not name-call or argue in front of your children and family members

h) SECRECY – anything that takes place in a home should remain a secret, especially if it’s in the bedroom
--good Muslims do not expose marital secrets unless you’re in marital counseling

On the authority of Asmaa Bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

Ayshah reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “If any woman marries without the consent of her guardian then her marriage is void. Her marriage is void. Her marriage is void. If he cohabits with her then for her is the dower with which her immodesty is turned lawful. And if they dispute with one another then the ruler is the guardian of one who has no guardian”. [Tirmidhi 1104, Ahmed 24426, Abu Dawud 2083, Ibn e Majah 1879]

Anything we do must be done fisabilillah,
-even marriage

-a woman needs a wali to be sure she is not
-marrying someone for the wrong reason
-women are emotional so they need a wali
-to guide them properly and rationally
-so the wali must also be a Muslim and rational
-a woman can not be the wali of another woman
-if you had a woman for your wali, your marriage has no barakah
-some men are very dangerous, so it’s important
-to have a wali check the man for his qualifications
-not all people can cope w/ rejection gracefully,
-especially men’s “male-ego”

FATAL ATTRACTION
-is so dangerous that it’s mentioned in the Holy Qur’an
-Cain killing Abel is the 1st story of ‘fatal attraction’

CHANGING YOUR MIND
-if you change your mind about an engagement, this is halal
-but you must return any gifts given to you during the engagement
-sometimes we discover disturbing revelations,
-so it’s halal to change your mind
-we’re not allowed to be revengeful
-about the person who ended the engagement
-one of the 7 major sins is to slander
-a pious, believing Muslim woman

The Messenger of Allah said: “Anybody who believes in Allah and the last day should not harm his neighbor, and anybody who believes in Allah and the last day should entertain his guest generously and anybody who believes in Allah and the last day should say what is good or keep quite”. (Sahih Bukhari (Arabic/English) Vol.8 pg.29 No.47)

2ND MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: SENSE OF SECURITY

-emotional, physical, financial and spiritual security
- whenever a person is single they do not have any emotional security
- the worse of the Muslims are those who are single

`The worst among you are your bachelors!' (from Abu Ya'la and Tabarani)

Stay away from the seven destroyers." They said: O Messenger of Allah and what are they? He said: "Associating with Allah in worship, sorcery, the taking of a life which Allah has sanctified except rightfully, consuming interest, consuming the property of an orphan, fleeing on the day of intense battle and slandering innocent, unknowing, believing women." Muslim & Bukhari

Women are attracted to married men

-because single men are losers.
-if a man is 50 and never married, no woman wants to marry him
-the equivalent of the bachelor is a spinster (woman who never married)

Samurah reported that the Prophet (SAW) disallowed celibacy. [Tirmidhi 1084, Nisai 3211, Ibn e Majah 18491]

Narrated By Ma'qil Ibn Yasar: A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: I have found a woman of rank and beauty, but she does not give birth to children. Should I marry her? He said: No. He came again to him, but he prohibited him. He came to him third time, and he (the Prophet) said: "Marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you." [Abu Dawud, Book 5, Hadith #2045]

It’s important to be married so you can have children
who will pray for you when you’re inside the grave

Narrated By Ma'qil Ibn Yasar: A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: I have found a woman of rank and beauty, but she does not give birth to children. Should I marry her? He said: No. He came again to him, but he prohibited him. He came to him third time, and he (the Prophet) said: "Marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you." [Abu Dawud, Book 5, Hadith #2045]

3RD MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS HALF YOUR DEEN

-if you can’t find a husband, becomes a 2nd wife

Al-Bayhaqi narrated in Shu’ab al-Eemaan from al-Raqaashi: “When a person gets married he has completed half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half.”

Men marry a woman for 4 reasons:
-her wealth
-her status
-her lineage
-her deen

A woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble ancestry, beauty and religion. Choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution)." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Narrated By Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. [al-Bukhari (5090) and Muslim (1466)]


The Rasul said, if you see a woman who excites you,
-then go home to your wife
-because she has the same things that your wife has

4TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS YOUR HONOR
-it gives you, your spouse and your kids honor

In the US, the candidates parade their wives and kids around the TV
-they say they’ve been married for 20 years
-because people will see that as honor
-some men do not propose to women
-who come from a broken home [parents divorced]

5TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE PROTECTS YOUR CHASTITY
-fasting will diminish your lusts
-you are a garment for your spouse [garment = libaas]

Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud (RA) narrated: We went out with Allah’s Messenger (SAW) while we were young men and we were unable to do anything (that is, not even afford marriage). He said, “O Group of young men! It is incumbent that you marry for it protects the eye and the private parts. So, he among you who cannot marry, let him fast, for, fasting dries up (lust)”. [Tirmidhi 1083, Ahmed 4023, Bukhari 1905, Muslim 1400, Abu Dawud 2046, Nisai 3206, Ibn e Majah 1845]

6th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS DAWAH

-for your kids (the children want to become like their spouses)
-to the kuffaar who see Muslims in successful marriages,
-so they see a positive example
-the beauty of Islam is in the example we set
-if you marry a Christian girl and treat her like a princess,
-she will revert to Islam

The Rasul married Juwaiyyah (daughter of the leader of a tribe)
-the whole tribe took Shahadah
-Aisha (ra) said no one had more barakah than Juwaiyyah

Narrated By Ibn Aun: I wrote a letter to Nafi and Nafi wrote in reply to my letter that the Prophet had suddenly attacked Bani Mustaliq without warning while they were heedless and their cattle were being watered at the places of water. Their fighting men were killed and their women and children were taken as captives; the Prophet got Juwairiya on that day. Nafi said that Ibn 'Umar had told him the above narration and that Ibn 'Umar was in that army. [Sahih Bukhari, Vol 3, Book 46, Hadith #717]

7TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS TAWAKKUL

-you put your trust in Allah

"Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life." (Tirmidhi 1661, Nisai 3120, Ibn e Majah 2518, Ahmed 9637)

In the time of the Rasul,

-a man wanted to marry a girl but he had no money
-the Rasul married him to the girl
-even though he had no money because he knew Qur’an
-so teaching her Qur’an was the dowry he was giving his new wife

Sahl Ibn Sad Saidi (RA) reported that a woman came to Allah’s Messenger (SAW) and said, “I submit myself to you”. Then, she stood for a long time. A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, marry me to her, if you do not need her”. He said, “Do you have anything to give her (by way of dower)?’ He said, “I have nothing but this lower wrapper of the body”. So, Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “If you give it to her then you will sit and have no lower garment on you. So, Look out for something else”. He said, “I do not find”. The Prophet (SAW) said, “Search, even if you find an iron ring”. He said, “I sought but could not find anything”. So, Allah’s Messenger asked him, “Do you have with you anything of the Qur’an?” He said, “Yes, That surah, and that surah. So Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “I marry you, to her with what you have of the Qur’an”. [Tirmidhi 1116, Ahmed 22862, Bukhari 5029, Muslim 1425, Nisai 3341]

8th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE SAFEGUARDS YOUR LINEAGE AND RACE

-there’s only one race (human race)
-we safeguard our lineage by becoming married
-so we can have children to continue our lineage
-marriage saves us from extinction
-the Rasul said: marry women who can give birth

Narrated By Ma'qil Ibn Yasar: A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: I have found a woman of rank and beauty, but she does not give birth to children. Should I marry her? He said: No. He came again to him, but he prohibited him. He came to him third time, and he (the Prophet) said: "Marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you." [Abu Dawud, Book 5, Hadith #2045]

9th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS THE STRENGTH OF BROTHERHOOD / SISTERHOOD

-when Rasul married Aisha (ra), it strengthened
-the brotherhood between Rasul and Abu Bakr
-when he married Umm Habibia, it brought Abu Sufyan to Islam
-when you marry a girl, you marry her entire family

10TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE PUTS A STOP TO HATRED BETWEEN TWO WARRING-FACTIONS
-when the Rasul married Umm Habibia, (long before the Battle of Badr started)
-it put a stop between the Rasul and Abu Sufyan

Abu Sufyan was mentioned in the Qur’an (see 60:7)
-all commentators of the ayah say this refers to Abu Sufyan:
-Abu Sufyan took his Shahadah before Makkah fell

Perhaps Allah will make friendship between you and those whom you hold as enemies. And Allah has power (over all things), and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Al-Mumtahinah 60:7)

11TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE STOPS RACISM, TRIBALISM, NATIONALISM, REGIONALISM

-“asabiyya” – racism
-when people marry from different regions, it stops all this prejudice
-even in the US, people are skeptical just
-because someone is from a different “state”
-in UK, the London accent is considered the best accent
-a man from Wales tried to become a mayor in London and he was laughed at

12TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS SPREADING KNOWLEDGE OF THE DEEN

-when we marry, we spread the deen
-the 1st person to embrace Islam was a woman (Khadijah)
-first woman to die for Islam was Sumaya
-greatest scholar of Islam was Aisha (ra) who taught the Sahabah
-this is the hikmah behind Muhammad (saws) marrying Aisha (ra)
-the Rasul was married to 9 wives
-[they were called “Mothers of the Believers”]
-Zaynab Bint Jaysh was also a scholar of Islam
-she told the other wives that they were given
-to him in the dunya but she was given to him
-above the 7 heavens, so she knew where Allah is

When you’re a scholar,
-your kids will become scholars, too
-if you have 10 kids and a halaqa for all of them, they will spread the deen

13th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS AN ACT OF KINDNESS
-3 people will be given a double reward:

It has been confirmed that the Prophet said: "Three persons will get their reward twice [i.e. a double reward]. [One is] a person who has a slave girl and he educates her properly and teacher her good manners properly [without violence] and then manumits and marries her. Such a person will get a double reward. [Another is] a believer from the People of the Scriptures who has been a true believer [in his Prophet], and then he believes in the Prophet [Muhammad]. Such a person will receive a double reward. [The third is] a slave man who observes Allah's rights and is sincere to his master [and observes the rights of his master]." Bukhari and Muslim, Vol. 4, No. 255, p. 158.

14th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS AN ACT OF PRIDE FOR THE FATHER

-this is especially true if the girl is a virgin
-“honor killing” is un-Islamic (it is haraam)
-those who quote the hadith about Umar killing
-his son for committing zina quote a fabrication
-because Umar’s son grew up to fight for Ali against Mu’awiyah
-at the Battle of Saffin
-[so he wasn’t killed for committing zina]

Narrated by Abu Sa'id al-Khudri The Prophet (SAW) said: 'If anyone cares for three daughters, disciplines them, marries them, and does good to them, he will go to Paradise.' [Sunan Abu-Dawood, Hadith #5128]

-do not reveal if the woman you marry is not a virgin
-don’t’ disgrace her
-if she is covering w/ hijab and praying 5x a day,
-you are required to forgive her
-taubah wipes out what came before and if you don’t forgive her,
-you’re like a Khawarijj
-w/o mercy in their hearts of Muslims
-hide the secret sins of a believer

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: The servant (who conceals) the faults of others in this world, Allah would conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection. [Sahih Muslim, Book 32, Hadith #6267]

15TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS A DAY AND HAPPINESS FOR THE MUSLIMS

-this is one of the days when you should beat the drums
-we do this for marriage, the akheekah, the day of Eid
-and on the battlefield, as well
-poor should be invited to the walima

Narrated By Abu Huraira: The worst food is that of a wedding banquet to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Apostle. [Sahih Bukhari, Vol 7, Book 62, Hadith #106]

Then when the Sacred Months (the 1st, 7th, 11th, and 12th months of the Islamic calendar) have passed, then kill the Mushrikûn (see V.2:105) wherever you find them, and capture them and besiege them, and prepare for them each and every ambush. But if they repent and perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), and give Zakat, then leave their way free. Verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (At-Tawbah 9:5)

The only time that we can turn down a walimaa

-is if there is music, alcohol or free-mixing of the genders

Ayshah narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “Publicise these marriages, conduct them in mosques, and beat the dufuf (tambourines) to announce them” (Tirmidhi 1091)

MUSLIMS HAVE 6 RIGHTS OVER EACH OTHER MUSLIM:

1. “When you meet him greet him”
2. “When he invites you, respond to him
3. “When he seeks counsel, give him advice”
4. “When he sneezes and praises Allah, say to him: ‘May Allah have mercy on you (Yarhamokallah)”
5. “When he is sick, visit him”
6. “And when he dies, follow his funeral”
[Sahih Muslim, Book 026, Hadith #5379]


A walima is Sunnah muakadah (strongly advisable)
-generally the women have a room to themselves to play nasheeds and dance

The Prophet (PBUH) said (to him), "What is this?" He replied, "I got married to an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "What did you pay her?" He replied, "A gold stone or gold equal to the weight of a date stone." The prophet (PBUH) said (to him), "Give a Walima even if with one sheep." (Hadith No. 2049, Book of Sales, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 3).

16th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS A JIHAD

-all the ingredients you need on the battlefield, you need in a marriage

**There is NO difference between JIHAD and MARRIAGE

**Show me your wife and we can tell if you’re front-line material
--is she wearing tight jeans?
--is her hair hanging down?

The examples / similarities between JIHAD and MARRIAGE
-you need EEMAN on the battlefield
-you need KNOWLEDGE
-you need SABR (in marriage, so we don’t divorce)
-you need WEALTH
-(you can’t go to battle w/o food, water, ammunition)
-you need OBEDIENCE (without it, we can lose the battle)
-you need COOPERATION (without it, we can not win the battle)
-you need UNITY [see 8:46]
-you need RESPECT [to the ameers and to husbands]

And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.). (Al-Anfal 8:46)

01.11.12 will be posted shortly ...
Recapping the previous notes from 01-10-12:

Bismillah...

14th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS AN ACT OF PRIDE FOR THE FATHER

- the father fulfills his role as a father by not letting her to slip into jahiliyiah
- he did not allow her to have a boyfriend
- he wants to find her a good husband to full fill her needs
- the honour of the family is sacred
- if you have three daughters and one commits zina ..
- no one will approach the other three
- it is a job of a sheikh to find husbands for sisters
- and likewise spouses for husbands
- some brothers are shy

O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded. (At-Tahrim 66:6)

15th MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS A HAPPY DAY

- you should beat the duff when a marriage is taking place

Aishah narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “Publicize these marriages, conduct them in mosques, and beat the dufuf (tambourines) to announce them” (Tirmidhi 1091)

The Prophet (PBUH) said (to him), "What is this?" He replied, "I got married to an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "What did you pay her?" He replied, "A gold stone or gold equal to the weight of a date stone." The prophet (PBUH) said (to him), "Give a Walima even if with one sheep." (Hadith No. 2049, Book of Sales, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 3).


- marriage should be announced because it is a happy day
- some say having a secret marriage is not allowed ..
- but this is not a condition of nikkah
- secret marriage is not haraam
- this is the madhab of Imam Malik and this is correct
- other scholars argue with if a women falls pregnant from a secret marriage
- it looks as if she has dabbled in zina

16TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS A FORM OF JIHAD
1. KNOWLEDGE
2. SABR
3. IMAN
4. WEALTH
5. COOPERATION
6. UNSELFISHNESS
7. RESPECT
8. UNITY

And seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer) and truly it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi'ûn [i.e. the true believers in Allah - those who obey Allah with full submission, fear much from His Punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise, etc.) and in His Warnings (Hell, etc.)]. (Al-Baqarah 2:45)


- the above are the similarities between marriage and jihad

17TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS AMANAH ( TRUST)
- your wife is not your property; she is a servant of Allah
- you have her for safe keeping
- the Rasul(saw) told his companions these wives you have
- are an amana on the fair well pilgrimage
- if you treat your wife right you have past the test

...O People it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have right over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your rights, then to them belong the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste...[From The last sermon of the Prophet (SAW) also known as Khutbatul Wada’. It is mentioned in almost all books of Hadith.Sahih Al-Bukhari refer to the sermon and quoted part of it. See Al-Bukhari, Hadith 1623, 1626, 6361) Sahih of Imam Muslim also refers to this sermon in Hadith number 98. Imam al-Tirmidhi has mentioned this sermon in Hadith nos. 1628, 2046, 2085. Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal has given us the longest and perhaps the most complete version of this sermon in his Masnud, Hadith no. 19774]

Abu Hurayrah (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, "The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women." [Tirmidhi 1165, Abu Dawud 4682]

18TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE IS A REVIVING OF THE SUNNAH

- people have different preference

I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.”(Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

Abu Ayyub reported Allah’s Messenger as saying, “Four things are from the Sunnah of the Prophets (SAW) modesty, perfume, siwak and marriage”. [Tirmidhi 1082, Ahmed 23641]

19TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE GIVES YOU MENTAL STABILITY

- it gives you spiritual stability
- marriage is half of your deen
-it gives you financial and emotional stability

Al-Bayhaqi narrated in Shu’ab al-Eemaan from al-Raqaashi: “When a person gets married he has completed half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half.”

- it gives you financial and emotional stability
- Imam Nawawi says sperm is evil
- Allah did not create it to stay in your body
- Imam Nawawi explained Sahih Muslim
- when he was explaining Sahih Muslim he said sperm is evil
- and you need to get married to control the evil of sperm
- when it is inside you body and does not come out the halal way
- men rape women and kids because of sperm
- many evils are due to sperm
- when a person is single they always get up to mischief

`The worst among you are your bachelors!' (from Abu Ya'la and Tabarani.)

20TH MERIT OF MARRIAGE :: MARRIAGE GIVES YOU CONFIDENCE

- when a boy or a girl gets turned on it takes away their confidence
- some people can’t cope with rejection
- they don’t accept it gracefully

FOUNDATIONS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

1. ISLAM

-you must marry a Muslim
-how can you marry outside your religion?
-it is permissible for a Muslim man, if no other Muslimahs are available
-but Muslimahs can not marry anyone who is NOT a Muslim

You’re not permitted to marry a ‘non-practicing Muslim”
-because THEY ARE KAAFIR

People find comfort in falsehood
-only sincere believers take comfort and refuge in the truth

2. TAQWAH (piety)
- the best provision is taqwa
- this ayah was sent for hajj
- but the best provision in any case is taqwa
- even in your marriage

And take a provision (with you) for the journey, but the best provision is At-Taqwa (piety, righteousness, etc.). So fear Me, O men of understanding! (Al-Baqarah 2:197)

-if you don’t have taqwa in the journey you may become a wife beater
-some men kill their wives
-every week in the UK three women are killed
-when Shaikh was in prison many men were inside for killing women
-men accuse women of cheating even when they are not

3. SABR
And seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer) (2:45)

4. LOVE
- you cannot marry without chemistry

then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)

- people who marry for money marry without chemistry

From Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansar. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 1424; and by al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34))

Mughirah Ibn Shu’bah (RA) said that he proposed to a woman. So, the Prophet (SAW) said to him, “Look at her. That would strengthen your love for one another”. [Tirmidhi 1089, Ahmed 18160, Nisai 3237, Ibn e Majah 1865]


HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT A WOMAN? THERE ARE 3 OPINIONS

a) ABU HANEEFA: you can see her hands and face
b) AHMAD IBN HANBAL: as her father sees her without hijab
c) Dawud Adh-Dhahiree – says you can see her in the shower

CORRECT OPINION is: AHMAD IBN HANBAL

Abu Ja'far reports that Umar (RA) once sent a proposal to Ali (RA) for his daughter Umm Kulthoom's hand in marriage. When Ali sent a message stating that she was still too young, someone told Umar that the statement meant that Ali was refusing. When Umar explained to Ali (his reason for wanting to marry her), Ali (agreed to get her married to him and) said, "(Consider the marriage done, so) I am sending her to you and she is your wife if you are pleased with her." Ali then sent her to Umar who (knowing that she was his wife) ventured to lift the garment from her legs. (Not realizing that the marriage was already concluded) She however exclaimed, "Leave it! Had you not been the Ameerul Mu'mineen, I would have slapped you across the face!" [Abdur Razzaaq and Sa'eed bin Mansoor, as quoted in Kanzul Ummaal (Vol.8 Pg.291). Ibn Umar Maqdasi has reported a similar narration, as quoted in Isaabah (Vol. 4 Pg 492)]

- men like women with thick legs
- because they have good libido
- people asked Shaikh whether he is not making up

THERE ARE 5 TYPES OF LOVE:
SPIRITUAL LOVE – the love we have for Allah
PHYSICAL LOVE – attracted to a man or woman
EMOTIONAL LOVE – what we have for parents and siblings
DIVINE LOVE – love Allah has for us
HARAAM – love we are not permitted, such as unconditional love

5. MERCY

-be kind towards your husbands or wives

Abu Huraira (RA) reported: Woman has been created from a rib and will in no way be straightened for you; so if you wish to benefit by her, benefit by her while crookedness remains in her. And if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her. [Sahih Muslim, Book 8, Hadith #3467]

And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise. (Al-Baqarah 2:228)

Narrated By Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra' bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, "I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them," Allah's Apostle cast a look at him and said, "Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully." [Sahih Bukhari, Vol 8, Book 73, Hadith #026]


- the Rasul (saw) those who have no mercy .. mercy will not be shown to them

6. COOPERATION (unselfishness)
-you’re not permitted to be selfish in the home (in or outside the bedroom)
-a man can’t go to bed with his wife and be satisfied, but if she is not satisfied,
-he can’t say, “that’s not important – I am satisfied”

7. TRUST

8. RESPECT

-don’t do name-calling in front of kids
-speak kindly and with respect
-avoid arguments
-avoid being cantankerous

Narrated by ‘Aishah that the Prophet said: “The most despicable person to Allah is one who is harshly argumentative." [Bukhari and Muslim]

9. LOYALTY

- your husband should not take sides against you
- you should be like a team

10. SECRECY
- when ever you go to bed with your wife, you are not allowed to discuss this with others
- some women done it in the time of the prophet and the men did

On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

Also, keep whatever takes place between you and your partner private. The Prophet said: “Indeed from the worst of people on the Day of Resurrection is one who has marital relations with his wife and then spreads her private matters.” (Muslim #1437)


- the only time you can talk of this is when you are seeking counseling
- women that go to hair dressers .. all they talk about is s-x
- a Muslim girl can’t show her hair to kaafir women unless she is a relative

**Men have the same rights over their wife

And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise. (Al-Baqarah 2:228)

It has been narrated by Amr Ibn Akhwas. He relates that it was commanded by the Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam "Be kind towards your women. Take heed! You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you. Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike."


THE RIGHTS OF THE WIFE:
-FOOD
-CLOTHING
-SHELTER
-MEDICINE / MEDICAL BILLS
-GO TO BED with HER AT LEAST ONE TIME EVERY 4 DAYS
-CAN’T ABUSE THE WIFE VERBALLY / PHYSICALLY AND THEN GO TO BED with HER
-CAN’T CUT HER OFF FROM HER FAMILY UNLESS THEY ARE ANTAGONISTIC TOWARDS ISLAM
-PROVIDE OFF-TIME ACTIVITIES SO SHE DOES NOT BECOME BORED
-YOU’RE NOT PERMITTED TO HIT A WIFE IN THE FACE

Narrated By 'Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: while she was on a journey along with the Apostle of Allah (SAW): I had a race with him (the Prophet) and I outstripped him on my feet. When I became fleshy, (again) I had a race with him (the Prophet) and he outstripped me. He said: This is for that outstripping. [Abu Dawud, Book 8, Hadith #2572]

It was narrated from Hakim bin Mu'awiyah, from his father, that a man asked the Prophet (SAW): "What are the rights of the woman over her husband?" He said: "That he should feed her as he feeds himself and clothe her as he clothes himself; he should not strike her on the face nor disfigure her, and he should not abandon her except in the house (as a form of discipline)." [Sunan Ibn Majah (Arabic/English), Vol 3, pg60-61, Hadith #1850]


-YOU CAN’T HIT A WIFE UNLESS OTHER STEPS ARE TAKEN AND THEN
-YOU ONLY BEAT HER LIGHTLY ON THE LEG with A MISWAK
-YOU CAN’T BEAT HER ABOVE HER KNEES
-YOU CAN’T HIT HER MORE THAN 10X

It was narrated that Sulaiman bin 'Amr bin Ahwas said: "My father told me that he was present on the Farewell pilgrimage with the Messenger of Allah (SAW). He praised and glorified Allah; and reminded and exhorted (the people). Then he said: 'I enjoin good treatment of women, for they are prisoners with you, and you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they commit clear indecency. If they do that, then forsake them in their beds and hit them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark. If they obey you, then do not seek means of annoyance against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they are not to allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture), nor allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses. And their rights over you are that you should treat them kindly with regard to their clothing and food." [Sunan Ibn Majah (Arabic/English), Vol 3, pg61-62, Hadith #1851]

- the kaafirs like to comment on the marriage of A'isha
- even though they allow relationships with animals

YOU CAN PIN DOWN YOUR WIFE FOR S-XUAL REASONS
-in the UK, [1980] there is a law that
-if you pin-down your wife (rape her) you’d go to jail
-this does not exist in Shariah law

''A woman is not allowed to do voluntary fast without husband’s permission when he is present." Bulugh-al-maram

And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed, such are the Kafirûn (i.e. disbelievers - of a lesser degree as they do not act on Allah's Laws). (Al-Ma'idah 5:44)

And whosoever does not judge by that which Allah has revealed, such are the Zalimûn (polytheists and wrong¬doers - of a lesser degree). (Al-Ma'idah 5:45)

And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed (then) such (people) are the Fasiqûn (the rebellious i.e. disobedient (of a lesser degree) to Allah. (Al-Ma'idah 5:47)


THE RIGHTS OF A MAN
-OBEDIENCE
-he is to be obeyed
-wife can only disobey him if he tells her to do something haraam

3 PEOPLE WHOSE DU’AS ARE NEVER ANSWERED:
1) the man whose wife was disobedient and he did not divorce her
2) the man who borrows money without paying it back
3)) the man who eats haraam food

the Prophet said, Three Duas are such in which there is no doubt of their acceptance: 1) Father’s Dua 2) Traveler’s Dua 3) Dua of the oppressed”. (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)

Ibn Umar (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, ‘It is incumbent on a Muslim person to listen and obey whether he likes it or hates it as long as he is not commanded to commit sin. If he is given command to sin then he must neither listen nor obey.” [Muslim 1839, Tirmidhi 1713]

Umm Salamah (RA) reported that Allahs Messenger (SAW) said, Any woman, who dies while her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise. [Tirmidhi 1164, Ibn e Majah 1854]


-YOU’RE NOT PERMITTED TO PREFER ANYONE OVER YOUR HUSBAND
-YOU’RE NOT PERMITTED TO REFUSE YOUR HUSBAND’S CALL TO BED

Talq Ibn Ali (RA) reported that Allahs Messenger (SAW) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his urge then she must go to him even if she is at the stove." [Tirmidhi 1163]

-husband can only be refused to go to bed if
-wife is sick, just had a baby, its daylight of Ramadan or if he apostates

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, "If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses and in that she upsets him, the angels will continue to curse her until the morning." [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

- the only time you can refuse him is if your menstruating
- during day times of Ramadhan

Abu Huraira (RA) narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said, "If anyone has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or goes into her anus, or visits a Kahin (soothsayer) then indeed he has disbelieved in what is revealed to Muhammad." [Tirmidhi 135, Ahmed 10717, Ibn e Majah 639, Abu Dawud 3904]

-NOT PERMITTED TO INVITE PEOPLE TO YOUR HOME THAT YOUR HUSBAND DISLIKES
-NOT PERMITTED TO KEEP FRIENDS HE DOES NOT LIKE

“Your rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone into your homes whom you dislike.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1163, and other from ‘Amr Ibn al-Ahwas; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7880)

Abu Hurayrah (RA) narrated: It was said: O Messenger of Allah, which of women is best? He said: “The one who when he looks at her he is happy and she obeys him when he commands her, and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or his wealth by doing what he dislikes.” [Narrated by Ahmad (2/251), Ibn Majah (1/595)]


-NOT PERMITTED TO LEAVE HOME without HUSBAND’S PERMISSION
-only if he is not contactable
-NOT PERMITTED TO LEND OUT HIS BELONGINGS
-behind his back without his permission

CONDITIONS TO MAKE THE NIKAH VALID
1. WITNESSES

-two witnesses (2 men or women + 2 men)
-marriage on Skype is halal, as long as there is a wali and 2 witnesses
-it is halal the same as a divorce is permitted over Skype

2. WALI
-she can appoint her own wali if hers is unreasonable or he is racist

Ayshah reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “If any woman marries without the consent of her guardian then her marriage is void. Her marriage is void. Her marriage is void. If he cohabits with her then for her is the dower with which her immodesty is turned lawful. And if they dispute with one another then the ruler is the guardian of one who has no guardian”. [Tirmidhi 1104, Ahmed 24426, Abu Dawud 2083, Ibn e Majah 1879]

There are 3 things we’re not permitted to delay:
Salah
-Janaza and
-Nikah

Ali Ibn Abu Talib (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said to him, “Three things you should not postpone : the prayer when the hour for it arrives, the funeral when it is ready, and (the marriage of) an unmarried woman when you find a suitable match for her.” (Tirmidhi 171 and 1077, Ahmed 828, Ibn e Majah 1486, Mustadrak Hakim Vol.2 pg.162)

Hanafi says
-if a girl marries without a wali, and her husband turns out
-to be a Shady Shia, MADkhalis, etc
-her marriage is bautil because these a kaafirs

3. MAHR (dowry)
-if it’s not given on her marriage day, it can be delayed
-look at the dowry of her sisters so you know what to give her

The Prophet (PBUH) said: “The one who gets married with the intention not to pay dowry to his wife is a fornicator. And the one who borrows money with the intention not to pay back is a thief.” (Ibn Hiban, 2/270)

-if the marriage is not consummated, she is entitled to half of the dowry
-if she lied about being a virgin, the judge in Shariah court
-will decide on her dowry

The Prophet (PBUH) said: “The one who gets married with the intention not to pay dowry to his wife is a fornicator. And the one who borrows money with the intention not to pay back is a thief.” (Ibn Hiban, 2/270)

-the dowry belongs to the girl but some father’s keep it for themselves
-this is oppressing the sisters
-the dowry can be knowledge (reciting Qur’an or hadith or Arabic)

Anas (RA) Ibn Malik reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) asked one of his Sahabah, “Have you married, O’ so-and-so”? He said, “No, By Allah, 0 Messenger of Allah (SAW) . And I have not enough to (be able to) marry.” He asked, “Do you not have surah (al-Ikhlas)”? He said, “Certainly, I have.” He said, “That is one-third of the Qur’an”, and he asked, “Do you not have surah (an-Nasr).” The man answered, “Of course, I have.” The Prophet (SAW) said, “That is one-fourth of thern Qur’an. And do you not have surah (al-Kafirun)”? He said, “Indeed I do have it.” He said “That is one-fourth of the Qur’an, and do you not have He said, “Of course.” The Prophet (SAW) said “That is one-fourth of the Qur’an.” And added, “Go marry. Go marry" (Tirmidhi 2904)

4. MARRIAGE AGREEMENTS

-forced marriage is not permitted in Islam
-arrangement of marriages is permitted

O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will (4:19)

Narrated By Abdullah Ibn Abbas: A virgin came to the Prophet (SAW) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (SAW) allowed her to exercise her choice. [Abu Dawud, Book 5, Hadith #2091

It was narrated from 'Aishah: "A girl came to her and said: 'My father married me to his brother's son so that he might raise his own status thereby, and I was unwilling.' She said: 'Sit here until the Prophet (SAW) comes.' Then the Messenger of Allah (SAW) came, and I told him (what she had said). He sent word to her father, calling him, and he left the matter up to her. She said: 'O Messenger of Allah, I accept what my father did, but I wanted to know whether women have any say in the matter."' [Sunan An-Nasai (Arabic/English), Vol 4, p.124-125, Hadith #3271]


5. PROPOSAL
-this is valid by text, email, letters, SMS, face-to-face or via a wali

HALAL and HARAAM PROPOSALS
You’re only permitted to propose to a girl who is halal for you to marry
You can’t propose to someone whom you are mahram
You can’t propose to someone on her iddah
-you can drop a hint to her but you can’t make a full-blown proposal
-the iddah for a widow is 4 months + 10 days
-the iddah for a pregnant woman is until she delivers her baby
-the iddah for a woman on menopause is 3 months
-there is only 1 iddah for a woman who was divorced
-but if she divorced without consummation, there is NO iddah

You can’t propose to someone who is engaged

Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad Ibn Yahya Ibn Habban from al-Araj from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah said, "Do not ask for a woman in marriage when another Muslim has already done so. Muwatta 28.1

-All 3 Imams says you can propose to the same girl
-who told another brother I AM THINKING ABOUT IT
-but Abu Haneefa says it is haraam
-Abu Haneefa’s madhab is correct

Narrated By Ma'qil Ibn Yasar: A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: I have found a woman of rank and beauty, but she does not give birth to children. Should I marry her? He said: No. He came again to him, but he prohibited him. He came to him third time, and he (the Prophet) said: "Marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you." [Abu Dawud, Book 5, Hadith #2045]

-a sister can have her wali propose to a brother for her

CHARACTERISTICS OF A GOOD SPOUSE
1. DEEN

-abstain from the Munafiqoon

2. CORRECT AQEEDA
-stay away from Shiites, Barelvis, MADkhalis, etc

3. FERTILE
-it’s makrooh to marry someone who is not fertile

4. SOMEONE WHO IS CHASTE (didn’t sleep with other people)
-but if they are a revert, give them a chance
-but require them to take an HIV test

5. THEIR FAMILY ARE DECENT PEOPLE
-don’t marry a girl whose father earns living selling porn magazines
-or if the mother owns a brothel

6. SOMEONE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO
7. MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS A STRANGER

-someone who is not your cousin [the Rasul did not recommend this]