Wednesday, November 21, 2012

-388- The Fitna of Extremism

“The Fitna of Extremism”

By Shaikh Abdullah Faisal
08.30.2012 (Night Dars)

NOTES typed by AT7
Edited and Formatted by AT21/AT7



-the ummah of Muhammad (saw) is not united militarily, politically and economically
-we should have an army of 50 million with every Muslim country sending soldiers
-but we are disunited ideologically so we don’t have such a huge army
-that would have been so powerful

We were commanded by Allah to be united
-Allah said:

And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sābirin (the patient ones, etc.). (Al-Anfal 8:46)

The only way the Muslims were able to have victory
-at the battle of Ain Jaloot was because they were united
-even the Christians helped in the battle
-to defeat the Tatars
-the rope of Allah is the holy Qur'an

Allah said:

And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allah (i.e. this Qur’an), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allah’s Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islāmic Faith), and you were on the brink of a pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allah makes His Ayāt (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.,) clear to you, that you may be guided. (Aali Imran 3:103)

Allah told us that the kuffaar are united
-and He warned us to put our differences aside and be united
-to avoid fasaad
-because kufr is one millat

And those who disbelieve are allies to one another, (and) if you (Muslims of the whole world collectively) do not do so (i.e. become allies, as one united block with one Khalifah - chief Muslim ruler for the whole Muslim world to make victorious Allah’s Religion of Islāmic Monotheism), there will be Fitnah (wars, battles, polytheism, etc.) and oppression on earth, and a great mischief and corruption (appearance of polytheism). (Al-Anfal 8:73)

Mass Suicide of the Whales:

Allah said:

Evil (sins and disobedience of Allah, etc.) has appeared on land and sea because of what the hands of men have earned (by oppression and evil deeds, etc.), that Allah may make them taste a part of that which they have done, in order that they may return (by repenting to Allah, and begging His Pardon). (Ar-Rum 30:41)

When a scholar of Islam dies even the animals cry
-because he used to tell the people to be kind and gentle to animals

The disunity of the Muslims is so strong that when you go to 10 masjids
-you will hear 10 different versions
-and so many reverts are

Sometimes in one family you can have 5 different versions
-one may be goofi soofi another Shia, Mu’tazila, Asha'ira, Saudi Salafi

Allah said:

But they (men) have broken their religion among them into sects, each group rejoicing in its belief. (Al-Mu'minun 23:53)

-this ayah above is telling us one of the signs of the last days
-every splinter group will be happy with what it has
-and will refuse to leave what it has
-the Qaadiyani are happy with their believe that Mirza Ghulam Ahmad
-is another prophet after Muhammad (saw)
-the Berailvis are happy with their aqeeda of Muhammad being alive in his grave


-the NOI are happy with God coming down on earth in the form of a man
-and the white man being created by a mad scientist in a lab
-how can a man create another man
-Allah is the only creator

Allah said:

O mankind! A similitude has been coined, so listen to it (carefully): Verily! Those on whom you call besides Allah, cannot create (even) a fly, even though they combine together for the purpose. And if the fly snatched away a thing from them, they would have no power to release it from the fly. So weak are (both) the seeker and the sought. (Al-Hajj 22:73)

-their aqeeda is far fetched

So a revert in a huge multicultural society hears 10 different aqeeda from 10 masjids
-he goes to one masjid and hears Muhammad is a man like us

Say (O Muhammad SAW): "I am only a man like you. It has been inspired to me that your Ilāh (God) is One Ilāh (God i.e. Allah). So whoever hopes for the Meeting with his Lord, let him work righteousness and associate none as a partner in the worship of his Lord." (Al-Kahf 18:110)

-then he goes to the masjid of the Berailvis and hears no, Muhammad is alive in his grave
-in another masjid he will be told Allah has 2 Hands but don’t resemble ours

(Allah) said: "O Iblīs (Satan)! What prevents you from prostrating yourself to one whom I have created with Both My Hands. Are you too proud (to fall prostrate to Adam) or are you one of the highly exalted?" (Sad 38:75)

-but in an Asha'ira masjid they will tell him 2 Hands mean 2 powers

Then he goes to another masjid and hears al Isra wal mi’ raj took place in body and soul
-but another masjid tells him it was in the form of a dream

Another masjid tells him Allah is on the Arsh

The Most Beneficent (Allah) Istawā (rose over) the (Mighty) Throne (in a manner that suits His Majesty). (Ta-Ha 20:5)

-but the masjid of the Mu’tazila will tell him no, Allah is everywhere
-this poor reverts become

In a Tabligh masjid he will be told democracy means shura
-but in another masjid he will hear democracy is the greatest shirk
-the masjid of the Saudi Salafis will tell him to wag his finger in tashahud
-but in another masjid he will be told that's a weak hadith
-pray with the fingers straight

Imam Nawawi mentions in the Majmu‘ (3.454) from Abu Dawud and others with a sound chain of narrators on the authority Abdullah Ibn Az-Zubayr, that he described the prayer of the Prophet (SAW) by saying, “He would point with his finger while supplicating without moving it.” As for what is present in the narration that mentions, that he (SAW) “used to move it”, the expression, “move it is an unreliable anomalous (Ar. shadhdh) narration because the narrator who relates [this Hadith] on the authority of the Companion Wael Ibn Hujr (RA) contradicts everyone else who narrated from him

One masjid will tell him to dismantle the sharia is minor kufr
-but to wear the trousers below the ankle is major kufr
-but in the masjid of ASWJ he will hear to dismantle the sharia is major kufr

In one masjid he will be told the mujahideen are the ta'ifa mansoura
-and after the caliph gives the deviant group which is kufr the hujjah,
-those who refuse to submit will be fought

Ibn Abbas (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “He who speaks on the Qur’an without possessing knowledge must assume his seat in the Fire.” [Musnad Ahmad (Vol. 1, pg. 269) No. 2429, Sunan at-Tirmdhi (Vol. 5, pg.198) No. 2950, Abu Eesa al-Tirmidhi said: this hadeeth is hasan]

Ali (RA) observed, "If the religion was based on opinion, the bottom of the sock would take preference in being wiped to the top of the sock." [Related by Abu Dawud (1/90) No. 162 and ad-Daraqutni (1/378) No. 783 with a hassan or sahih chain.]

Ali r.a said the religion is not based on logic
-so be careful of people who say I think and shun Qur'an and the classical scholars
-these are the Mu'tazila
-and shaytan was the first member

(Allah) said: "What prevented you (O Iblīs) that you did not prostrate, when I commanded you?" Iblīs said: "I am better than him (Adam), You created me from fire, and him You created from clay." (Al-A'raf 7:12)

Great scholars like Ahmad ibn Hanbal used to sweat before passing a fatwa
-but today people pass fatwas left, right and center because they don’t fear Allah
-and passing a fatwa is like drinking a cup of water to them

Only the caliph can get rid of these groups
-like the Alouis of Syria
-he is the shepherd who can get rid of them like the flies
-so once the hujjah is established you have to relinquish that aqeeda
-and embrace the truth

Al-Hafiz Abu Ishaq Ibrahim bin `Abdur-Rahman bin Ibrahim bin Duhaym recorded that Damrah narrated that two men took their dispute to the Prophet (SAW), and he gave a judgment to the benefit of whoever among them had the right. The person who lost the dispute said, “I do not agree.” The other person asked him, “What do you want then” He said, “Let us go to Abu Bakr As-Siddiq.” They went to Abu Bakr and the person who won the dispute said, “We went to the Prophet (SAW) with our dispute and he issued a decision in my favor.” Abu Bakr said, “Then the decision is that which the Messenger of Allah (SAW) issued.” The person who lost the dispute still rejected the decision and said, “Let us go to `Umar bin Al-Khattab.” When they went to `Umar, the person who won the dispute said, “We took our dispute to the Prophet (SAW) and he decided in my favor, but this man refused to submit to the decision.” `Umar bin Al-Khattab asked the second man and he concurred. `Umar went to his house and emerged from it holding aloft his sword. He struck the head of the man who rejected the Prophet’s decision with the sword and killed him. Consequently, Allah revealed, [فَلا وَرَبِّكَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ حَتَّى يُحَكِّمُوكَ فِيمَا شَجَرَ بَيْنَهُمْ] (But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you judge in all disputes between them... (An-Nisa 4:65)). [Tafseer Ibn Katheer (2/351-352)]

But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad SAW) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission. (An-Nisa 4:65)

Allah revealed the ayah above because of the incident with the hypocrite

You can’t be self-opinionated
-and refuse to embrace the hujjah
-and we are not going to give you a week to embrace the hujjah
-our attitude is we hear and we obey

Allah said:

It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error. (Al-Ahzab 33:36)

It was reported from ‘Awf ibn Malik who said: the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “The Jews were divided into seventy-one sects, one of which is in Paradise and seventy are in the Fire. The Christians were divided into seventy-two sects, seventy-one of which are in the Fire and one is in Paradise. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad,
my Ummah will be divided into seventy-three sects, one of which will be in Paradise and seventy-two will be in the Fire.” It was said, O Messenger of Allah, who are they? He said, “Al-Jamaa’ah.” [Sunan Ibn Majah (5/128) No. 3992, al-Tabarani in ‘al-Mu’jam al-Kabir’ (18/70) No. 129]

The prophet said the ummah will be divided into 73 sects
-all will be in hellfire except one,
-the one that follows his path

The worst hatred is religious hatred not racial hatred
-Surah Buruj tells you this

Allah said:

They had nothing against them, except that they believed in Allah, the All-Mighty, Worthy of all Praise! (Al-Buruj 85:8)

-Allah taught us a dua to make

Allah said:

And of them there are some who say: "Our Lord! Give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the torment of the Fire!" (Al-Baqarah 2:201)

What is the good of the dunya:


It was narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas said: The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “There are four things that are essential for happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious home, a good neighbour and a sound means of transportation. And there are four things that make one miserable: a bad neighbour, a bad wife, a small house and a bad means of transportation.”
[Narrated by Ibn Hibban in al-Saheehah (Vol. 9, pg.340) No. 4032]

Luqman to his son, he said: “My son! I have carried grass-hoppers and cast-iron but I have never seen anything heavier (to bear) than a bad neighbour, and I have tasted all the bitterness, but I have never tasted anything more bitter than poverty.” [Ibn Abi Shaybah in 'Musannaf' (7/74) No. 34296 and al-Bayhaqi in 'Shu'ab al-Eman' (12/101) No. 9108]

Why did Allah teach us this dua?
-because the greatest good of the dunya is a pious wife
-2 prophets had kaafir wives - prophets Nuh and Lut

Whenever you have a pious wife, your da'wah will be successful
-look at the success of Muhammad (saw) compared to that of Nuh
-Lut's wife told the homosexuals that her husband has male guest

Allah taught us another dua

And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqûn" (pious - see V.2:2 and the footnote of V.3:164)." (Al-Furqan 25:74)

When you look at your wife you are so happy tears fall down your eyes
-she is obedient to you
-she does not cheat on you, she does not refuse your call to bed
-even the kaafir men are jealous of your wife
-because they would want their wives to have the qualities of a Muslim woman

So don’t take it for granted that you will have a pious wife
-because 2 prophets had kaafir wives

Allah said:

O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children there are enemies for you (i.e. may stop you from the obedience of Allah), therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (At-Taghabun 64:14)

The cause of revelation for this ayah:
-when the sahabah were migrating to Madina,
-the wives of some sahabah told them not to and they listened
-some 8 years later they made hijrah

Narrated By Sa'id ibn Zayd: AbdurRahman ibn al-Akhnas said that when he was in the mosque, a man mentioned Ali (RA). So Sa'id ibn Zayd got up and said: ‘I bear witness that I heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say: ‘Ten persons will go to Paradise: The Prophet (SAW) will go to Paradise, Abu Bakr (RA) will go to Paradise, Umar (RA) will go to Paradise, Uthman (RA) will go to Paradise, Ali (RA) will go to Paradise, Talhah (RA) will go to Paradise: Az-Zubayr ibn al-Awwam (RA) will go to paradise, Saad ibn Abi Waqqas (RA) will go to Paradise, Abu Ubaydah ibn Jarrah (RA), and Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (RA) will go to Paradise. If you wish, I can mention the tenth.’ The people asked: ‘Who is he?’ but he kept silence. They again asked: ‘Who is he?’ He replied: ‘He is Sa'id ibn Zayd (RA).’” [Abu Dawud, Book 35, Hadeeth #4632]

-and realised how the sahabah who made hijrah before them had exceled
-above them in terms of knowledge
-this made them turn to their wives complaining about what they had missed
-they were so upset with their wives they were about to beat them up
-this occasion made Allah reveal the ayah in surah taghabun

Women don’t like to migrate
-they don’t want to leave the lifestyle and infrastructure of the west
-many brothers complain about their wives refusing to make hijrah
-women will follow the dajjaal more

Ibn Umar (RA) narrated the Prophet (SAW) said: “The Dajjal will come to this pond in Marriqanaat (a valley in Madina). Most of the people who follow the Dajjal will be women till a man has to use rope to tie up his mother, daughter, sister and aunt out of fear that they will leave the home to follow the Dajjal. Then Allah will grant victory to the Muslims over the Dajjal so the Muslims will kill the Dajjal and his party who will be the Jews. The Jews will run behind a tree and a stone to hide from the Muslims and the tree and the stone will call out 'O Muslim a Jew is behind me so come and kill him.’" [Musnad Ahmad (2/67) No. 5353 and Tabarani in ‘al-Mu’jam al-Kabir’ (12/307) No. 13197]

The women are worried about making hijra
-because of their love for dunya
-and if you tell a sister I have a husband for you in Afghanistan, Yemen etc.
-she will say am sorry am not looking for one
-but if you tell her I found you one in Europe she will say I want to meet him ASAP

Women rather live in darul harb and be single
-than to migrate and have a husband to start a family with

O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children there are enemies for you (i.e. may stop you from the obedience of Allah), therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (At-Taghabun 64:14)

Evil partners is a challenge
-and so when you want to get married find a partner who
-is on the same level as you spiritually
-not one beneath you
-you may have a daughter and want her to wear the hijab but your partner may say no
-or refuse you to wake up your child for fajr claiming he is small

Amr ibn Shu’ayb from his father that his grandfather said: The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them if they do not pray when they are ten years old, and separate them in their beds.” [Sunan Abu Dawud (1/133) No. 495 and Musnad Ahmad (2/180) No. 6689]

Allah said:

Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) are innocent of (each and every) bad statement which they say, for them is Forgiveness, and Rizqun Karīm (generous provision i.e. Paradise). (An-Nur 24:26)

-when you want to give your children Islamic tarbiya they will oppose you
-so don’t marry dodgy partners
Many Muslim sisters suffer wicked step fathers
-don’t rape them but be their father
-an evil partner is the worst thing in life

Narrated By Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. [al-Bukhari (5090) and Muslim (1466)]

If you have a wife that fears Allah never divorce her
-turn a blind eye to her weaknesses
-especially if she does not watch TV
-this shows her al walaa wal baraa is strong

It was narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas said: The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “There are four things that are essential for happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious home, a good neighbour and a sound means of transportation. And there are four things that make one miserable: a bad neighbour, a bad wife, a small house and a bad means of transportation.” [Narrated by Ibn Hibban in al-Saheehah (Vol. 9, pg.340) No. 4032]

I have seen Muslim women end in mental homes because of evil husbands
-and they were forced to stay with these husbands by their families

Live your life to please Allah not people
-because people always slander and gossip

Don’t live with a munafiq
-they have many qualities
-when they speak, they lie
-Salatul fajr is a burden on them
-they start fitna but deny they started it

Ja'far Ibn Abdullah narrated: We were with Malik Ibn Anas when a man came to him and said: “O Abu Abdullah (Allah said) 'Ar-Rahman upon the Throne Istawa' (20:5), how was His Istiwa? Imam Malik inclined his head and was silent until the sweat of fever covered his brow, then he looked up and said: "Istiwa is not unknown, the Kayf (how) is uncomprehendable, believing in it is wajib (obligatory), and asking about it is bid'ah (innovation), and I do not think that you are anything but an innovator." Then he ordered that the man be expelled. [Abu-Naeem Al-Asbahani in 'Hilyatul-Awliya wa Tabaqat Al-Asfiya' (Vol. 6, pg. 325-326)]

When you have a pious wife the aging process is slow
-but in an unhappy marriage the aging process is very rapid
-so your marriage makes you or breaks you
-always find a partner you are compatible with
-you won’t have arguments in the home
-and won’t call each other names
-this kills the love

Marry the person with taqwa otherwise you are a loser
-the prophet (saw) didn’t have kaafir wives because Marian took her shahada
-look how his da’wah was successful
-even the kuffaar wrote he was the most successful world leader
-so make baraa from evil people and don’t marry them
-they pretend to be good in the beginning then turn evil to corrupt you

Narrated By Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. [al-Bukhari (5090) and Muslim (1466)]

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allah, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds). (At-Tawbah 9:119)

Sit and eat with pious people

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (RA) that he heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say, “Do not keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your food but one who is pious.” [Sunan Tirmidhi (4/600) No. 2395, Sunan Abu Dawood (4/259) No. 4832, Musnad Ahmad (3/38) No. 11355]


-too many people preaching extremism
-and they make the deen a burden on the people
-something sunnah they make fard
-something makrooh they make haram

They will say to you to use a microwave is haram
-or all Muslim parents who send their kids to state schools are kaafirs
-because they teach western education

An extremist will say to you when you download applications
-and click on I agree you are a kaafir because
-you went into a contract with the taghoot

Ahmad Shukri Mustapha was an extremist in Egypt
-he said to drink from the pipe water supplied by the kaafirs makes you a kaafir

An extremist will say if you play soccer and choose a judge you are a kaafir
-he will also say there is no excuse for the shirk which is not ibaadah
-like the shirk of democracy
-so he does not give the excuse of ignorance for things other than shirk ibaadah

These extremist wreak havoc in the ummah
-they make the niqab fard on even 10 year olds if they reach puberty
-they will say to you to have a British passport makes you a kaafir
-because you give your allegiance to the queen

We say to you what is the difference btw that passport and the Saudi or Pakistani passport

Siege of Lal Masjid:

-no one hates Islam more than the Pakistani gov't
-they killed so many huffadh

The extremist will also say to you when you go for hajj
-and pray behind the imams of haram your salah is baatil
-because these masjids are masjid diraar
-they will tell you, you should pray in your hotel room and not behind those imams

These extremist make takfir on me, Abu Hamza and Shaikh Abu Qatadah
-because we went to the kaafir courts
-but they rub the banks with fraud in the UK
-and when arrested they always get barristers in court to defend them
-so why don’t you make takfir on your own selves

They don’t pray behind anyone who is not part of their jammat
-because they believe they are the only Muslims
-but they marry their daughters to only men with British passports
-what a hypocrisy

They don’t understand the issue of tahakum
-this is when you have a choice between the kaafir and Muslim court and you shun the latter
-so how can you say these brothers did tahakum when they were victims of circumstances

Anything sunnah they make fard
-and everything makrooh they make haram
-they become extremist to show off with piety
-they think they are the only pious ones

Allah said:

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allah, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds). (At-Tawbah 9:119)

Tā Hā. (Ta-Ha 20:1)

We have not sent down the Qur’an unto you (O Muhammad SAW) to cause you distress, (Ta-Ha 20:2)

Then, We sent after them, Our Messengers, and We sent 'Iesa (Jesus) son of Maryam (Mary), and gave him the Injeel (Gospel). And We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him, compassion and mercy. But the Monasticism which they invented for themselves, We did not prescribe for them but (they sought it) only to please Allah therewith, but that they did not observe it with the right observance. So We gave those among them who believed, their (due) reward, but many of them are Fāsiqûn (rebellious, disobedient to Allah). (Al-Hadid 57:27)

Allāh does not want to place you in difficulty, but He wants to purify you, and to complete His Favour on you that you may be thankful. (Al-Ma'idah 5:6)

'Aisha (RA) reported: "Whenever the Prophet (SAW) was given a choice between two matters, he would (always) choose the easier as long as it was not sinful to do so; but if it was sinful he was most strict in avoiding it. He never took revenge upon anybody for his own sake; but when Allah's Legal Bindings were outraged, he would take revenge for Allah's sake." [al-Bukhari (3560) Muslim (2327)]


Assalamu alaikum, i think one of the challenges also facing the ummah is fear, wallahi a brother told me to stop listen to you because the kuffar don’t like u.


I don't want to be liked by the kuffaar
-shaikh wants Muslims to like him

Never will the Jews nor the Christians be pleased with you (O Muhammad Peace be upon him ) till you follow their religion. Say: "Verily, the Guidance of Allāh (i.e. Islāmic Monotheism) that is the (only) Guidance. And if you (O Muhammad Peace be upon him
were to follow their (Jews and Christians) desires after what you have received of Knowledge (i.e. the Qur'ān), then you would have against Allāh neither any Walī (protector or guardian) nor any helper. (Al-Baqarah 2:120)


How can you know that a Muslimah is a pious sister and if she is marriage material?


-see the lecture on Marital Discord

-this is required
-people must tell you the good and bad of someone you're vetting for marriage

Fatimah bint Qays went to the Prophet seeking marital advice when both Mu’awiyah Ibin Abu Sufyan and Abu Jahm had proposed to her. The Prophet told her, "Mu’awiyah is stingy and tight fisted) and Abu Jahm beats his women." So marry Usamah instead. [Sahih Muslim (2/1114) No. 1480, Sunan Abu Dawud (2/285) No. 2284, Sunan Tirmidhi (3/440) No. 1134, Sunan An-Nasa'i (6/75) No. 3245]

-always seek advice about the character

-Fatimah followed the prophet’s advice and her marriage was successful
-if someone is getting married you are not allowed to break them up
-wait until approached for information
-when someone is getting married people get jealous and try to break them up

Ali ibn Abu Talib (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said to him, “O Ali, Three things you should not postpone: the prayer when the hour for it arrives, the funeral when it is ready, and (the marriage of) an unmarried woman when you find a suitable match for her.” Sunan Tirmidhi (1/320) No. 171, al-Tarikh al-Kabir al-Bukhari (1/177) No. 538, Musnad Ahmad (1/105) No. 828, Mustadrak al-Haakim (2/176) No. 2686]

When you have long engagements, the shaytan tries to end the engagement
-so you must work to make sure shaytan doesn't know
-better to marry SECRELY and keep the sister SECRET and not tell people about her
-have a quiet wedding
-at the feast lots of people there don’t like you
-sometimes best to have small wedding