Friday, November 23, 2012

-389- Marital Discord In Islam 1

NUSHOOZ ~ “MARITAL DISCORD IN ISLAM” 1

By Shaikh Abdullah Faisal
09.01.2012 (Night Dars)


NOTES typed by AT-21
Edited and Formatted by AT21/AT7


Bismillah...

Nushooz is translated as 'marital discord'
-Literal meaning is "to elevate"
-the woman elevates herself in the home, above her husband
-the technical meaning: marital discord between the husband and the wife

Darul harb is an evil society, governed by FREE MASONS, who hate the family-structure
-expect divorce and nushooz in the west to be rife
-the family is not seen as a holy institution
-this structure is being ridiculed by TV TALK shows in the west
-so expect most marriages to fail
-these groups (Free Masons and such) propel homosexuality and shun marriage

The Dajjaal will not have children. [Imam-i Ahmad]

They call FEMINISM the 'empowerment of women'
-women therefore, are rebellious
-they are fools, ending up in divorce; they end up on their own
-wise women find pious men and submit to them

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great. (An-Nisa 4:34)


Shaikh graduated in 1992 from university
-90% of the time, women complain about bad husbands
-only 10% of men complain about their wives
-women are serious about their marriage because it's difficult for them to "move on"
-much easier for a man to impregnate many women, then move on
-most of the time, women get custody of the kids

~ MEN COMMIT SINS WITH IMPUNITY ~

So when Shaikh was young working in the UK,
-this was upsetting to him (marital problems)
-some of those husbands or wives were hooked on drugs, alcohol or other haram
-temptations of the west destroy the men in their role of marriage

Athaar of Umar:

"....Umar ibn al-Khattab said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears Umar's wife shouting at him and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem. Umar saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. Umar told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He said, "Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her.I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude..." [Bujayrimi in 'Haashiyah']

Shafi’i' madhab quote this athaar often
-we do say some scholars have a doubt about it
-and we tell you this as we quote it
-look at the good qualities of your wife to cancel out her weaknesses

Abu Huraira (RA) reported Allah's Messenger (SAW) as saying: "A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another." [Sahih Muslim, Book 8, Hadith #3469]

Ibn Hanbal states it’s not compulsory for wives to cook and clean the house
-this is why most Saudis have maids in their homes
-some of them have 2 maids working in their homes
-a Saudi girl from a rich family is not expected to wash, cook or clean
-the father might not let you marry his daughter if she will not have a maid

Because a wife offers you great benefits, overlook your wife's faults

Abdullah ibn Amr (RA) narrated the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “Those who are merciful will be given mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will have mercy on you.” [Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 40, Hadith #4941]

Jarir ibn 'Abdullah reported that the Messenger of Allah said, "If someone does not show mercy to people, Allah will not show mercy to him." [al-Bukhari (7376) and Muslim (5737)]

Story from Australia
-a man put 50,000 USD in an oven and his wife accidentally baked cake there
-the money all got burnt
-so there are mistakes you make (husbands and wives)
-you need a merciful heart


LINK OF MAN WHO LOST HIS LIFE SAVINGS IN HIS OVEN:
http://gawker.com/5929403/woman-accidentally-bakes-familys-entire-life-savings-after-husband-hides-it-in-oven

Abu Hanifa defined nushooz as 'each partner disliking each other'

Imam Malik said it is 'each spouse being hostile towards each other'

Imam Shafi'i said it is 'each spouse differing with each other'

Hanbal said 'each spouse hating each other and treating each other w/ contempt'


NUSHOOZ FROM THE WIFE

1. THE WIFE LEAVING THE HOME WITHOUT HER HUSBAND'S PERMISSION

2. THE WIFE FORBIDDING HIM FROM SEXUALLY ENJOYING HER

3. THE WIFE GOING TO PLACES THAT HE DIDN'T APPROVE

4. THE WIFE REFUSING TO MAKE GHUSL AFTER HER MENSES SO THAT HE CAN DO JIM3AA WITH HER
-in Shari’ah law, she can't go to bed with her husband before ghusl
-after her menses ends, she must make ghusl,
-before going to bed with her husband
-delaying ghusl oppresses her husband
-when menses stops, you must make ghusl IMMEDIATELY
-you can't delay from one salah to the other and your husband's right,
-is to enjoy you sexually


5. THE WIFE REFUSING ALLAH'S RIGHTS OVER HER
-example: salah, zakah, saum, hajj (if able), hijab,
-zakah however is the right of man


6. THE WIFE FALLING IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN
-it is easy to know if your spouse is having an affair
-their behavior towards you changes
-many sisters come online to various social networks and fall in love with a man
-who is promising her 'apples in the sky'
-so let your wife come to dars or she can listen from your home
-but for her to stay 3, 4 hours talking to strange men, this is NOT appropriate

NIGERIAN MAN SWINDLED 25,000 FROM A PIOUS SISTER
-this happened online
-he'd sent her a photo of himself, as a white looking man
-but she didn't say 'come on Skype to talk to me'
-if they refuse, they are a fake, fraud and liar

a) don't send money to people you meet online
b) don't give anyone your bank details

NIGERIAN "419" SCAMS -- http://www.fatwallet.com/forums/off-topic/1116379/

Many sisters fall in love with men online (some of them are married)
-shaytan convinces them the grass is greener elsewhere

HALLMARKS OF AN AFFAIR
-nushooz in the marriage
-the partner behaves cold
-behaves differently


7. THE WIFE TRIES TO TOPPLE THE POWER OF THE HUSBAND IN THE HOME
-if the husband doesn't know the fiqhul waaqi of a country (such as in the US or UK),
-her seeking to take power is NOT grabbing power from the husband
-she can take the lead in her own country because he might make matters worse


8. THE WIFE DOESN'T BEAUTIFY HERSELF FOR HER HUSBAND
-She refuses to beautify herself for her husband when he deserves that from her
-wearing lipstick, eye shadow, stockings, lingerie, (at home), you're required to do these
-even if he asks you to piece your navel or nose
-there's nothing in Qur'an or Sunnah to say it is wrong
-some husbands are KINKY
-if he asks you to shave your eyebrow, you MUST draw the line and say no,
-because this is haram
-wives are not to change the space between their teeth, which changes Allah's creation

Ibn Mas'ud (RA) said: Allah has cursed those women who practice tattooing and those women who have themselves tattooed, and those women who get their hair removed from their eyebrows and faces (except the beard and the mustache), and those who make artificial spaces between their teeth for beauty, whereby they change Allah's creation. A woman started to argue with him, saying: "What is all this?" He replied: "Why should I not curse those whom the Messenger of Allah (SAW) cursed and who are cursed in Allah's Book? Allah, the Exalted, has said in His Book: "And whatsoever the Messenger (Muhammad (SAW)) gives you, take it; and whatsoever he forbids you, abstain (from it)." (59:7)
[al-Bukhari (5931) and Muslim (2125)]

Al-Nawawi (rh) said: “The woman who tattoos is one who uses a needle or similar implement to prick the skin of the hand, wrist, lips or other part of a woman’s body until she draws blood, then she puts dye into the wound. It is haram to do this or have it done by choice. Similarly, plucking or removing hair from the face is also haram, whether one does it or asks someone else to do it for one, unless a woman has a beard or moustache, in which case it is not haram to remove it. Widening the gap between the teeth is done by filing between the incisors. This is done by old women to give the appearance of youth and make the teeth look beautiful, because this attractive gap between the teeth is characteristic of young girls. When a woman gets old, her teeth get big and look ugly, so she may file them to make them look more attractive and give the impression that she is younger… It is haram to do this or have it done by another, because of this hadeeth, and because it involves changing what Allah has created, and is a form of deception and falsehood. With regard to the phrase “those who file their teeth”, this refers to those who did that for the purpose of beautification and looking younger. This indicates that what is haram is that which is done for the purpose of beautification; but if it is needed for medical treatment or to
correct a fault in the teeth and so on, there is nothing wrong with it. And Allah knows best." [Sharh Sahih Muslim (14/106-107)]



And whatsoever the Messenger (Muhammad SAW) gives you, take it, and whatsoever he forbids you, abstain (from it), and fear Allah. Verily, Allah is Severe in punishment. (Al-Hashr 59:7)

What about a facelift?
-she might be 50 years old with wrinkles and she wants surgery
-to beautify herself for her husband

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rh) was asked: What is the ruling on cosmetic surgery that is done by women? He replied: "If it is done to remove a fault, there is nothing wrong with it so long as it does not cause any harm, because ‘Arfajah (RA) wore a nose made of gold when his nose was cut off. One example is tightening or lifting drooping breasts." [Thamaraat al-Tadween (p. 133)]

Narrated 'Urfajah bin As'ad: "My nose was severed on the Day of Al-Kulab during Jahiliyyah. So I got a nose of silver which caused an infection for me, so the Messenger of Allah (SAW) ordered me to get a nose made of gold." [Sunan Tirmidhi (4/240) No. 1770, Sunan Abu Dawud (4/92) No. 4232, Sunan al-Nasa'i (8/16) No. 5161, Musnad Ahmad (5/23) No. 20285]

-the fatwa passed by the scholars says it is HALAL
-because her niyyah is to BEAUTIFY HERSELF FOR HER HUSBAND

HAIR
-it is halal to straighten your hair if it is black and kinky
-if they use a hot-comb, iron or clamp, this is permissible

IF YOU DO NOT BEAUTIFY YOURSELF FOR YOUR HUSBAND, HE IS GOING TO STRAY

Every sexual act he requests of a wife and to fulfill his fantasies are halal
-the only thing forbidden is anal sex

Abu Huraira (RA) said: The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, "If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and thus he spends the night angry with her, the angels continue cursing her till the morning." [al-Bukhari (3237) and Muslim (1436)]

THE LESSONS WE LEARN FROM THIS HADEETH:

A) A MAN CALLS A WOMAN TO BED (he doesn't call a man)
-some want to convince us that a GAY can be a Muslim

Shaikh in University disagreed:
1. That a woman who missed saum during childbirth must make it up
2. A GAY can be a Muslim
3. Niqab is FARDH

"...I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Sahih al Bukhari (Arabic/English) Vol.7 pg No.1. Sahih-Muslim, English translation Vol 2 pg 703 No.3236)


It was narrated that Sa’eed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn ‘Abbas said to me: “Have you gotten married?” I said: “No.” He said: “Get married, for the best of this ummah are the ones with the most wives.” [Sahih Bukhari (7/3) No. 5069]


B) A REAL MAN IS NOT IMPOTENT


C) A REAL MAN HAS DOMINION OVER HIS WOMAN (as often as he wants)

Talq ibn Ali (RA) reported that Allahs Messenger (SAW) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his urge then she must go to him even if she is at the stove." [Sunan Tirmidhi (3/465) No. 1160, Sunan al-Kubra al-Nasa'i (8/187) No. 8922 and Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah (3/558) No. 17135]


D) A REAL MAN MARRIES A WOMAN WHEN HE IS ABSOLUTELY SURE OF THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THEM

-they need chemistry more than women because he needs chemistry to have an erection
-women do not

E) ANGELS HAVE THE POWER TO CURSE

F) A DISOBEDIENT WOMAN IS CURSED

G) INTERCOURSE IS CRUCIAL IN A MARRIAGE
-small genitalia, bad breath, impotence, bad hygiene = reasons for divorce

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great. (An-Nisa 4:34)


THE NUSHOOZ FROM THE HUSBAND

1. THE HUSBAND HATES HIS WIFE AND SEEKS TO HARM HER
-sometimes he hates her because black magic was done on the marriage
-you may find crookedness in your wife because she was made from a crooked rib

And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better. And human inner-selves are swayed by greed. But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allah is Ever Well Acquainted with what you do. (An-Nisa 4:128)

If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All Knower, Well Acquainted with all things. (An-Nisa 4:35)

They followed what the Shayātin (devils) gave out (falsely of the magic) in the lifetime of Sulaimān (Solomon). Sulaimān did not disbelieve, but the Shayātin (devils) disbelieved, teaching men magic and such things that came down at Babylon to the two angels, Hārût and Mārût, but neither of these two (angels) taught anyone (such things) till they had said, "We are only for trial, so disbelieve not (by learning this magic from us)." And from these (angels) people learn that by which they cause separation between man and his wife, but they could not thus harm anyone except by Allah’s Leave. And they learn that which harms them and profits them not. And indeed they knew that the buyers of it (magic) would have no share in the Hereafter. And how bad indeed was that for which they sold their ownselves, if they but knew. (Al-Baqarah 2:102)

Abu Huraira (RA) reported Allah's Messenger (SAW) as saying: "A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another." [Sahih Muslim, Book 8, Hadith #3469]

Abu Huraira (RA) reported: Woman has been created from a rib and will in no way be straightened for you; so if you wish to benefit by her, benefit by her while crookedness remains in her. And if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her. [Sahih Muslim, Book 8, Hadith #3467]


~DIVORCE WOULD NOT BE SO RIFE IF BROTHERS PAID ATTENTION TO THESE HADEETH~


2. THE HUSBAND TRANSGRESSES HIS WIFE AND HARMS HER BY BOYCOTTING HER BED
-it is compulsory to go to bed with your wife once every 4 days (Umar passed this fatwa)
-she has a right to call you to bed then

A woman cried because her husband abandoned her,
-he was always praying so she complained to Umar (r.a)
-Umar asked the husband why he only went to bed with his wife once
-he replied he is permitted 4 wives so he has 3 nights for salah and 1 night for her


3. HITTING HER INAPPROPRIATELY IN A WAY THAT IS HARMFUL AND UN-ISLAMIC
-some husbands punish their wives with their fists to her head
-they snap quickly and so they hit her

a) you're not permitted to beat her till you counsel her (4:34)
b) then you abstain from her bed if she doesn't change
c) beat her lightly with a miswak;
d) it should be the span of your hand
e) do it on her (rear-end) or beneath her knees
f) you can't hit her more than 10 times

It was narrated from Abu Bardah al-Ansari that he heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say: "No one should be given more than ten lashes except in the case of one of the hadd punishments of Allah.” [al-Bukhari (6850) and Muslim (1708)]

Ata' said: "I asked Ibn Abbas: 'What is the hitting that is ghayr al-mubarrih?' He replied: '[With] the siwak and the like'." [Narrated by al-Tabari in his Tafsir]

"If you fight your brother, avoid striking the face, for Allah created Adam in *his* image." (Bukhari mentions a similar report).

“Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If somebody fights (or beats somebody) then he should avoid the face." [Sahih al-Bukhari Vol III Hadith 734. "


4. ABUSING HER WITH OFFENSIVE NAMES (EVEN IN A TEASING WAY)
-the word 'slag' is British-English for a 'prostitute'


5. HE FLIRTING WITH HIS EX-WIFE, OR WOMEN OR GIRLFRIENDS TO HURT HIS WIFE TO MAKE HER FEEL EMOTIONALLY INSECURE OR MAKE HER JEALOUS

-for him to be on the phone talking to prostitutes, this is a type of nushooz


6. THE HUSBAND PICKING ON HER MINUTE MISTAKES / MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A STONE


7. HIS USING HER PAST AGAINST HER
-maybe she worked as a stripper in a nightclub but then took shahada
-but he doesn't give her a chance to progress in her faith
-this is very cruel of the man
-this is acting like a Khawarij; not forgiving


8. HIS REFUSING TO WORK AND MAINTAIN HIS WIFE FINANCIALLY
-the man loses his jim3aa rights if he does not feed her properly by working
-Sharia law says you must maintain your wife financially
-and if she doesn't obey him, she then loses her financial rights

THE KUFFAAR IN THE UK
-before they take a woman to a hotel, they feed her first

THE LAW OF NATURE: NO MONEY ~ NO HONEY
-some men live off their women like parasites (freeloaders)
-they are house-husbands (sending their wife to work but they stay home)


9. HUSBAND REFUSING TO GIVE DOWRY AFTER CONSUMMATING THE MARRIAGE

Abu Huraira narrated the Prophet (SAW) said: “The one who gets married with the intention not to pay dowry to his wife is a fornicator. And the one who borrows money with the intention not to pay back is a thief.” [Ibn Hibban in ‘al-Majruheen’ (2/261) No. 941]


10. BREAKING THE PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT

Example:
-she asks if she will live with your parents and you said NO, we'll live alone
-then after the marriage, you say we're living with my parents

Narrated `Uqba bin Amir: The Prophet said: "The stipulations most entitled to be abided by are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the (women's) private parts (i.e. the stipulations of the marriage contract). [al-Bukhari (2721) and Muslim (1418)]

She says she's in medical school, will you let me continue?
-he answers YES but then changes his mind and says NO YOU CAN'T go to college
-he says she doesn't have to wear niqab but he changes his mind and requires it
-or he says she can stay home and look at the family but changes his mind
-and requires her to go to work outside the home

Translation of above hadeeth:
- the promises you should keep the most are those related to MARRIAGE

***IF YOU BREAK A PROMISE TO YOUR WIFE, she can do faskh (annuls her marriage)
-he is a munafiq so do faskh and keep the dowry
-many sisters ask for khula but they don't know this means they must return the dowry

11. THE HUSBAND STOPS THE WIFE FROM VISITING HER PARENTS (EVEN THOUGH IT'S HARAM TO BREAK FAMILY-TIES)
-this is only permitted if the parents are antagonistic towards Islam
-he can't stop her even if they are kuffaar

Narrated By Jubair bin Mut'im: That he heard the Prophet saying, "The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise." [al-Bukhari (5984) and Muslim (2556)]


12. THE HUSBAND PUTS HIS WIFE UNDER HOUSE-ARREST AND REFUSES HER OFF TIME ACTIVITIES
-some brothers do not even let the wife out for fresh air

Narrated By 'Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: while she was on a journey along with the Apostle of Allah (SAW): I had a race with him (the Prophet) and I outstripped him on my feet. When I became fleshy, (again) I had a race with him (the Prophet) and he outstripped me. He said: This is for that outstripping. [Abu Dawud, Book 8, Hadith #2572]


13. THE HUSBAND UNDERMINES HIS WIFE WHEN SHE IS GIVING TARBIYA TO HER KIDS
-such as contradicting when the wife says the daughter is to wear hijab
-you can't live with a husband like that
-the wife tries to teach the kids right from wrong and he interferes
-he is a hypocrite and they are going to be in the bottom of Hellfire
-and this is vice-versa (he can't stay with her if she does this, either)

Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depths (grade) of the Fire; no helper will you find for them. (An-Nisa 4:145)


14. THE HUSBAND FORCES HER TO DO THINGS THAT ARE NOT COMPULSORY
-you make fard on her things that are not compulsory


15. THE HUSBAND FORCING HIS WIFE TO DO THINGS THAT ARE HARAAM
-drinking alcohol, asking her to remove her hijab in front of his friends to display her beauty
-he wants to massage his male-ego

Abdullah ibn Umar reported that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: "Three people will not enter paradise and Allah will not look to them on the Day of Judgment: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth (cuckold, weak man who feels no jealousy over his womenfolk)..." Musnad Ahmad (2/134) No. 6180, Musnad al-Bazzar (12/270) No. 6051, al-Sunnan al-Kubra al-Nasa'i (2/63) No. 2354, al-Mu’jam al-Awsat al-Tabarani (3/51) No. 2443]